Life as a Fugitive

Moving Out

2006-06-06T21:46:00.000-04:00

Click here to be directed to my new virtual home! I've been hard at work getting things ready over there, so change your links and join me...

Music Musings

2006-06-06T09:29:00.000-04:00

Not too much has grabbed me in the music world lately. I'm currently holding my breath waiting for the new Amy Millan (of my beloved Canadian exports, Stars) record Honey From the Tombs. It comes out in the States as an import next week. If the two tracks I've heard from it are indicative of the album as a whole, we're in for a stellar solo debut.

DD and I subscribe to Paste Magazine; by far the best feature of Paste is the 20+ song CD that accompanies every issue. This month I can't get enough of the opening track, Matthew Sweet and Susanna Hoffs' cover of the old Left Banke tune "She May Call You Up Tonight" from Under the Covers. Super, super catchy. (Incidentally, I'm sure MS would like to get "under the covers" with SH in the literal sense...). Oh, and speaking of Matthew Sweet, has anyone seen a picture of him lately?? It appears he may have eaten the rest of the Bangles...

Mafia Love Fest

2006-06-05T09:39:00.000-04:00

Last night Pencopal & A and M & R came over for a season finale double-header: The Sopranos and Big Love. The verdict: we were one for two. The former blew.

I've always been wary of hype -- so much so, in fact, that I often avoid pop cultural entities steeped knee-deep in the hoopla (gotta love the Starship reference!) for fear that they won't live up. It's my way of warding off what will more than likely result in disappointment before I'm actually hit with the sting. But, for reasons that still elude me, I religiously watched the recent Sopranos season.

I should have known better. Nothing effing happened. Nada. Zilch. Zero. Tony's family didn't go to war with New York. Carm didn't discover the truth about Adrianna. No one got whacked. The biggest shocker of the night: Melfi used the word "fuck."

At two minutes to ten we all collectively looked at our watches.

"Okay, something's gotta happen," we mused, sitting on the proverbial edges of our seats.

But no. After a seven minute Christmas scene in Tony and Carm's living room, complete with AJ's Hispanic, single-mom girlfriend and a call from Meadow, the credits rolled.

WTF?

Next up: Big Love. And it didn't disappoint.

The polygamists got outted! At a royally inopportune moment. And Nicki sexified (I'm making up a word, I realize) herself. She lost the braid and the prairie outfit.

Even better: there wasn't a single glimpse of Bill Paxton's coin slot. Now that is a season finale.

Tube Sock Chic

2006-06-04T11:25:00.000-04:00

My dad is a great guy. But sometimes amazing people make horrible fashion decisions. It's simply a fact of life.

On Friday night DD and I went out for dinner with my parents and some longtime family friends. Somehow we got into a discussion about my sister's apparent mortification concerning a recent faux pax on Dad's part. As the story goes, my father was on his way out the door to the gym when my sister stopped him in his tracks.

"Dad, you CANNOT go out dressed like that," she told him.

"What? Why? I'm just going to the gym," my dad replied, utterly confused.

"Not until I get you some new socks!" she countered.

Ever since I can remember, my father has sported these terrible tube socks from time to time; although those are not his feet in the above picture, they serve as a pretty good example of the sort of horror I'm referring to.

I should also mention that, at my mother's urging, my dad has been taking a stress management course at Penn that teaches both yoga and meditation (in case you didn't know, my father had a mild heart attack last fall).

"Dad, I bet you do a mean Down Dog in those socks," I told him the other night.

All he did was laugh, which leads me to believe that he has, in fact worn those bad boys to class.

Please tell me that the fashion police are on their way.

Random Friday Strikes Again

2006-06-02T12:46:00.000-04:00

Okay, Kids. It's Friday and you know what that means. Break out those iPods, get them a-shufflin' and tell the blogosphere what's playing. The rules are old hat at this point: the first ten songs. No apron-wringing.

Here are the goods:

1. Half a Person (Best I) -- The Smiths
2. Can't Get a Line (Satellite Rides) -- Old 97's
3. Parachutes (Team Boo) -- Mates of State
4. Can't Stop the World (Beauty and the Beat) -- The Go-Gos
5. Splendor in the Grass (The Ladybug Transistor) -- The Ladybug Transistor
6. Revival (A Decade of Hits 1969-1979) -- The Allman Brothers
7. The Littlest Bird (Blue Horse) -- The Be Good Tanyas
8. Maria (No Exit) -- Blondie
9. My Name is Jonas (The Blue Album) -- Weezer
10. Saddest Quo (Discover a Lovelier You) -- The Pernice Brothers

General Thoughts: Not too much 80s this week. A little more indie rock. I like it.

Seen Live: None! Shit, that's a rare thing indeed.

Favorite Song: This is a toughie, so I'm going with a tie between "Can't Get a Line" (super catchy) and "Saddest Quo," my anthem this year.

Least Favorite Song: Truth be told, for as much of a Smiths fan as I am, "Half a Person" just doesn't do it for me. Unless Patty Griffin's singing. Take that, Moz.

Favorite Album: Satellite Rides and The Ladybug Transistor.

Least Favorite Album: Allman Brothers. I'm generally not a fan of the jam band (I find the noodling self-indulgent and annoying after a while), but DD loves these guys and I do dig "Revival."

Need more shuffle in your Friday? Head on over to Apartment 2024 where Marisa always plays and compiles a Master Link List...

So About Divine Justice...

2006-06-01T21:00:00.000-04:00

KJ proposed the idea of "divine justice" as our prompt for this week. I suppose I should say, first, that my relationship with the "Divine" is fairly nonexistent, at least in the more traditional sense. Perhaps a bit of background would be helpful.

Religion was kind of complex growing up. My parents have an interfaith marriage. My mom grew up Protestant and my dad grew up Jewish. My dad, despite his Jewish heritage, considers himself Agnostic (as do I at this point). My mom wanted to raise us with exposure to some sort of religion, even if we'd later reject it -- she wanted us to at least consciously make that choice. So we went to Methodist church and Sunday School (since my mom was the more religious of the two, Christianity won out. However, we were still exposed to Jewish traditions like Passover Seders etc.).

I can remember the definitive moment when I decided that church was not for me -- our Sunday school teacher had, completely seriously, told our fourth grade class about how his tape deck was possessed by Satan. Following that, he recounted a story of meeting Jesus Christ at a party. (Jesus was apparently dressed like a beggar and asked him for a ride.) I remember thinking the guy was off his nut and that religious folks "believed way too much."

Despite that experience, though, my mom wasn't ready to let me completely give up on the religious thing. I continued to go into middle school and then we had a deal -- I would go to confirmation classes to "check them out," to make sure, one last time, that it wasn't for me. So I went and decided absolutely not. At that point, our church had attracted quite a faction of holy-rollers, people my mom referred to as being "high on the Lord." The confirmation teacher was one, and I was so out of there.

My mom was totally cool about it, not only because I think she started to not like the direction the church was headed in, but because she knew I'd given it a shot and had formed my own opinion. Also, it wasn't like I didn't get any religion/spirituality. (I went to Quaker school from first through twelfth grades and attended Meeting for Worship weekly from the age of six. I enjoyed that.)

Religion has been pretty much a nonentity in my adult life. That said, though, I am a very spiritual person even though I don't always express it outwardly. But spirituality comes in forms other than organized religion -- I find it in art, for example, and I've certainly been on a journey of the soul-searching variety this past year or so. What's interesting is that the older I get, the more interested I am in developing this part of myself.

I've never been comfortable with the term "God." In fact, when DD and I got married we wrote our own ceremony and vows and took out all of the churchy language. For a long time I was also not comfortable with the idea of faith, although recently I've come around to thinking that the world is a pretty dark place if we can't believe in something.

For that reason I kind of hope that there is some larger-than-life force flowing through the universe. But if there is, it clearly isn't doling out hard and fast justice; it doesn't always spare the good and punish the bad. It can be hard to reconcile at times.

Recently, as I've been having some trouble with my chronic digestive issues again, someone told me to pray.

"I'm not telling you to do so in the religious sense," she said. "Just ask whatever it is you believe in for help."

I could go through the proverbial motions and just DO what she suggested, but to truly do it would require some degree of faith. And how can I have faith in any force that clearly isn't just? Why should I think that said force would help me on my path to a calm stomach when it just slapped my friend JW with eye cancer? Isn't it all just a crapshoot?

I know it's cynical, but it's the nature of the intellectual to question. Maybe ignorance really is bliss sometimes.

Jumping on the Big Love Bandwagon a Little Late

2006-06-01T12:50:00.000-04:00

DD and I watched about half of the season premiere of Big Love when it was on. For some reason, though, we weren't hooked. The other night HBO was replaying a more recent episode and we inadvertantly got sucked in...to the point that we're now in the midst of playing catch-up in time for the season finale this coming Sunday. It'll be a marathon Love Fest, but I think we can do it.

A couple of thoughts:

1. Nicki's a bitch and dresses like she belongs in Little House on the Prairie.

2. Marge is hilarious. She's definitely my favorite. Leave it to her to be prancing around in her granny panties in front of Ben... Gotta love the cluelessness. Or the facade.

3. The "What are you wearing?" thing never did it for me, but polygamist phone sex is REALLY not hot. There are just no two ways about it. Sorry, Barb.

4. I like the show in spite of the fact that I have to see Bill Paxton's ass about once every fifteen minutes. That's saying a lot.

Can't wait for more lovin' later...

Rockstar Kitty

2006-05-31T18:30:00.000-04:00

MS LOVES this pic. So, this one's for you, dear. Miles apparently couldn't escape the paparazzi that night; it's tough being so damn handsome.

Upside-Down Cat

2006-05-30T19:24:00.000-04:00

My blog is image-starved (M, I love the fact that you take so many amazing pictures!). Thus, Miles makes his debut; he tends to get comfy on the desk while I work. Here he is striking a pose...

Weekend Update

2006-05-28T11:59:00.000-04:00

Friday night DD and I went to see A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (we have season tix to a theater in Philly). Just before intermission DD's phone went off (it was on vibrate, fear not). We didn't recognize the number. Then my phone "rang" silently and the caller revealed himself (DD doesn't have T's number in his phone). It was TM, of our dear friends H&T.

H&T moved to Atlanta from Philly earlier this year when T got a job there. They miss Philly tremendously and DD and I were severely bummed when they left. Anyway, they had plans to come back for a visit this Memorial Day weekend. We'd offered to have them stay with us, but they'd apparently gotten a nonrefundable hotel rez online.

But, as it turned out, their friends, who were meeting them in town, didn't get a room. So, H&T wanted to know if our offer was still good; they would stay with us and their friends would stay at the hotel.

We were more than happy to host; however, we had plans to head down to my family's beach house for part of the weekend and therefore weren't going to be home for the entire three days. Originally we'd planned to catch up with H&T on Sunday for brunch and then head to the beach. But, their flight from Atlanta was to get into Philly at 9 a.m. Saturday morning. And they were planning to come straight to The G-Ho.

But no problem. In fact, this ended up being the perfect plan. They got to our place by ten and were pretty hungry. So were we. Food was in order. Unfortunately we struck out at our favorite brunch locale, Cafe Lift (which, incidentally, has Challah French Toast with homemade whipped cream to die for). CL was closed for the weekend. We thought fast and decided to try the reputable Honey's Sit'n Eat (none of us had been). It was decent, but by no means did it measure up to our beloved Euro-style cafe in the Loft District.

It was great to catch up with H&T over a leisurely breakfast. They told us about plans for their January wedding and about how much they miss Philadelphia (they're apparently not big Atlanta fans). We told them about goings-ons locally and shared a couple of funny stories.

Since we'd gotten to see H&T a day earlier than expected, we figured we'd head straight to the beach house from Atlantic City, where we were going Saturday night to see Bill Maher. The best part of this whole deal: H&T, animal lovers that they are, were staying at our place. They could feed and play with our cats. Everyone was thrilled.

So yesterday, late afternoon, we drove to AC. The show wasn't slated to start until nine, so we had some time to kill. Still full from a big brunch, we decided to hit the slots at The Borgata, the chic we're-trying-to-be-Vegas casino where BM was on. Wandering the floor, I immediately noticed that instead of the usual geriatrics-with-oxygen-tanks-and-cigarettes were hipper-than-thou, high maintenance twenty and thirtysomethings. I generally hate casinos, but, I have to say, this was a bit less depressing.

I didn't have anything better to do, so I figured I'd try my hand at the nickel slots. No sooner had I gotten seated at the Wheel of Fortune machines than I'd somehow won myself $60. I quickly cashed out.

DD decided to try his luck at nickel poker. As he was getting raped by the machine, I noticed that the Police song "I can't, I can't, I can't stand losing..." was playing.

"Do you think they do marketing studies about what kind of music to play while people are gambling?" I asked.

DD laughed.

"You know, if people keep hearing about how they can't stand losing, maybe they'll just keeping playing until they eventually win...which could be never..."

Good theory, huh?

DD may not have loved losing, but I was calling it quits. No sense in pressing our luck when dinner was already paid for. We headed to Suilan, the Borgata's version of Philly's own Susanna Foo. It was quite tasty.

Finally it was time for Bill Maher. He was pretty hysterical, although he recycled a couple of jokes from his show, Real Time. Specifically, he has this routine about privacy and the whole wire-tapping ordeal.

"Americans gave the finger to privacy a long time ago," he says. "In what other country would we show up on Jerry Springer wearing pampers and a ball gag? People are desperate for attention. 'Google me, read my blog...'"

He also went off about Dr. David Hager, the favorite gynecologist of the Bush administration who allegedly sodomized his wife without her consent, while she was sleeping. Apparently his excuse was that he got the wrong hole.

"And this is a gynecologist, folks. That's his territory. But then there's the implication that if he'd just gotten the right hole, it would've been okay. Never mind the fact that it would have been vaginal rape..."

Needless to say, it was a riotous evening. It's been a pretty sublime weekend so far...

Random Friday: The Long Weekend Edition

2006-05-26T10:23:00.001-04:00

For the sake of consistency, here are the rules: Set the old iPod a-shufflin' and report back the first ten songs it spits out. No skipping, rationalizing or apologizing.

Here's the set:

1. Worn Me Down (Happenstance) -- Rachel Yamagata
2. True Faith (The Best of New Order) -- New Order
3. Good Lovin' (The Arista Years) -- The Grateful Dead
4. Learning to Fly (Into the Great Wide Open) -- Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
5. One Prairie Outpost (Indian Summer) -- Carbon Leaf
6. Summerlong (Back to Me) -- Kathleen Edwards
7. Camera Shy (Happy Secret) -- The Lucksmiths
8. Sexx Laws (Midnite Vultures) -- Beck
9. A Timeless Tale (Eva Trout) -- Eva Trout
10. Hard Road (The Split EP) -- Mary Lou Lord

Seen Live: Rachel Yamagata (opening for Liz Phair), Beck, Mary Lou Lord

Favorite Song: I've always loved "A Timeless Tale." I happened upon the Aussie band Eva Trout in a listening station in high school and I still listen to the album all the time.

Least Favorite Song: These are all good tunes. But I have to say that I've grown really sick of "Worn Me Down." When it first came out, though, I couldn't get enough of it.

Memory Trigger: Whenever I hear anything off of Beck's Midnite Vultures I think of DD and one of our early Valentine's Days; I surprised him with tix for Beck to his sold out show at the Tower Theatre. He was wowed by the gift and we were both wowed by the performance.

For more Random Friday, head on over to Apartment 2024 where Marisa always plays and compiles a Master Link List...

I hope everyone has a rockin' Memorial Day. We'll be seeing a play in Philly tonight, checking out Bill Maher in AC tomorrow night, catching up with out-of-town friends for brunch on Sunday and heading to my family's beach house for the remainder of the weekend. Fingers crossed for good weather!

Another Excerpt

2006-05-24T18:58:00.000-04:00

I met Brian on the front stoop; he looked weary after a long workday and I could sense his eagerness to get inside and put his feet up. He hugged me hello.

“You just getting back from the gym?” (The outfit must have given me away.)

“Yeah. I cut it a little short -- what a madhouse at this hour.”

“You’re spoiled,” he teased. “This is how the other half lives. We don’t all get out at 2:30.”

I smiled, silently conceding to his point.

“So, how was the first day back?”

“The usual. Kind of chaotic. Hard to get a real sense of the kids just yet.”

“Well, tell me more about it over dinner. I want to go change.”

When we got inside, we dumped our bags by the door as we routinely did. Truth be told, we could both be neater.

“I’ll make dinner,” I volunteered. “Took out some chicken breasts to defrost this morning.”

“Sounds great. Thanks. I’m going to get out of these work clothes in the meantime.”

I got to work chopping cilantro. The menu tonight was crème fraiche chicken with coriander. Brian and I traded cooking duties pretty routinely -- luckily we were both endowed with culinary skills. Usually if I cooked, he cleaned up and vice versa. On a rare occasion we collaborated, but that could get annoying -- I liked my autonomy in the kitchen.

After about ten minutes I heard the television go on in the other room -- The Simpsons. Brian was an addict. I “get it” and everything but, really, it’s a guy show. In all honesty, how many women do you know who obsessively watch and quote it? I rest my case.

“Dinner in about fifteen,” I called over the din of the TV.

“’Kay,” came the reply.

The truth is, this recipe sounded a lot more complex than it actually was. All it really required was two chicken breasts, a sauté pan, a bit of chopped cilantro and some crème fraiche. The couscous and the veggies were quick; I could whip up the sides while the chicken cooked. Time-efficient meals were key during the week.

As I stood at the stove tending to our dinner, I could hear Brian laughing in the living room. After a moment I was able to make out that it was the episode where Homer gives Marge the bowling ball as a “gift.” The humor, of course, lay in the fact that Marge herself would have no use whatsoever for a bowling ball; it was an absolutely self-serving present. This example of distorted altruism had become somewhat of an inside joke between Brian and me; in the beginning of our relationship it was easy to be creative and inspired when giving gifts. But as time wore on, it had become more of a challenge, naturally. I’d be lying if I told you that the Natalie Merchant tickets I put in Brian’s Valentine’s Day card last February didn’t have at least a hint of bowling ball in them.

“Brian, come on!” I yelled, dishing up the last of the sautéed asparagus onto his plate.

Right at that moment I heard the TV shut off. Wow. Promptness.

“So, the big first day,” he said, sliding into the chair opposite me. “How was it?”

Sometimes I loathed small talk. Perhaps others would make more of an effort to go through the proverbial motions, but to me it felt silly and laborious. My day was not particularly exciting or monumental. There wasn’t much to tell.

“Just the usual first day crap -- homeroom paperwork, course syllabi, rules and expectations, blank stares.”

“Do you have any of the same kids this year?” he pressed.

“A few.” I wasn’t giving him much, I admit.

“So no gut feelings?”

“Nothing’s really hit me yet.” I was feeling resistant to Brian’s queries but I wasn’t quite sure why.

A couple of moments passed in silence. I considered asking about his latest design project, but sometimes he had this habit of going into the minutiae of his work to the point that it utterly bored me or whoever else happened to be listening. When I didn’t follow or was clearly disinterested in the finer points of font selection he grew annoyed and I grew defensive. I let that idea go.

“You never told me much about your new therapist.” Brian didn’t like silence. In his family they sometimes talked in the name of having noise, while in my family we talked when there was something to say.

It had been just under a week since I’d been to see Reese. My next appointment was set for Wednesday: two days from now.

“Well, you know, it’s hard to tell much from the initial session -- basically it was an intake where she asked me a lot of routine questions. Hard to get a sense yet.”

It was a meager offering, perhaps, but it was true.

“Did you get a good vibe?” he pressed on.

“Yeah. She seems cool.” I wasn’t ready to launch into some kind of treatise on the importance of a “good fit” and how my intuition was already telling me I’d found it. Brian would likely be either unimpressed, or worse, deprecating, writing my instinctual vibe off as hokey.

“When’s your next appointment?”

Thank goodness he was deferring to logistical questions at this point.

“Wednesday at four.”

Sometimes I resisted these how-was-your-day discussions; they tended to feel disingenuous at points. I knew I needed to try harder, but something compelled me to yield to my lazier being too much of the time.

“So do you have prepping to do for school yet, or is it too early?”

“No ‘real’ work yet, but I do want to tweak this one activity for tomorrow,” I told him.

Incidentally, at the beginning of every year, after I hounded all of my kids for personal data, I reciprocated by giving them a true/false “quiz” about me, as an ice-breaker. The idea was that they didn’t know me yet (or at least most of them didn’t; if they had had me in the past I made them pair up with new students so that no one got an unfair advantage). Anyway, they had to separate, as best they could, fact from fiction. I awarded the winners a couple of extra credit points. They always found it hilarious. And, let me tell, you, kids never forget anything; they still haven’t let me live down the fact that I tried out for The Real World when I was in college. Last year, when the April Fool’s edition of the school paper came out, there I was, smiling up from underneath the headline “Ms. Foster to join cast of The Real World: Idaho.”

“Okay, I’ll clean up dinner,” Brian offered, undoubtedly knowing that it was already his duty since I’d cooked.

“Thanks,” I said. “I’m gonna go ahead and finish this up.”

“Come here first,” he said, his arms outstretched.

I gave him a weak hug.

“I love you,” he said, ruffling my hair.

“You too,” I told him, although my words got muffled against his chest, and I almost doubt he heard me.

A Good Laugh

2006-05-24T12:49:00.000-04:00

It's been a pretty uneventful couple of days. Since there's not much to report, I'll leave you with the following...

This is the funniest news I've heard all week.

Since You Asked, Krizmic...

2006-05-21T11:07:00.000-04:00

I have to say, I've been very protective of my book. It's not that I'm worried about putting pieces of it out there for you, my friends, to see, but there's something a little unnerving about having bits of it floating around in the virtual world, available to essentially anyone. That said, though, I've done my best to put aside my neuroses, at least for the time being. And, K, my dear, since you requested it, I shall deliver.

My protagonist, Madeleine, has a blog which I just introduced into the story. After her second session with Reese, she writes the following:

The Road to Enlightenment Looks Potentially Inviting, But It’s Paved With a Few Bumps

My new therapist is cool, albeit a little too eager to get her New Age on. But make no mistake; she’s not one of those overly Santa Fe, gaudy-turquoise-necklace-wearing, caftan-sporting, hypnotic-voiced freaks. You know the type.

The auspicious:

1. She’s attractive and a hip dresser. (Today’s outfit: leopard print skirt with black mules. Call me crass, people, but if I’m eventually going to have to keep a straight face while enduring clinical terms like “penis” and “vagina” while talking about intimacy, she better not be sitting across from me in a frock. I mean, I have to at least be able to imagine that she has sex, for Christ’s sake…)

2. She shows emotion. You might think this goes without saying, but I once had this therapist who, I could tell, thought I was pretty hysterical at times. She would let a laugh “slip” every once in a while and then, catching herself, would immediately reel in her humanity at once conjuring a practiced, starched expression. Incidentally, even though I haven’t witnessed it yet, I have a feeling that R will laugh freely and with abandon. A sense of humor is absolutely a prerequisite for a good therapist.

The less-than-ideal-but-I-can-work-with-it:

1. She’s into relaxation practices. You know, meditation and shit. In fact, cool as she seems, I could actually see her throwing around catch phrases like “stress management” and crap like that. Note to self: educate R in the Janeane Garofalo School of Self Help soon. Must save her from affirmations of the “As I release my pee, I am free” variety.

2. Her office smells vaguely of incense. The scent of healing in a yoga-studio kind of way. Eat your heart out, Buddha.

Namaste.

The Friday Shuffle: The "Holy 80s!" Edition

2006-05-19T10:31:00.000-04:00

You know the drill, Kids. Set that iPod a-shufflin' and report back the first ten songs it spits out.

Here are the goods:

1. Motherland (Motherland) -- Natalie Merchant
2. Second Hand News (Rumours) -- Fleetwood Mac
3. Heartbreak Beat (Sedated in the 80s) -- Psychadelic Furs
4. Jukebox (Valley Girl Soundtrack) -- The Flirts
5. Disco Lights (Science Fair) -- Emm Gryner
6. In Your Room (Greatest Hits) -- The Bangles
7. To All My Friends (Jaywalker) -- Josh Joplin
8. Let's Go (Greatest Hits) -- The Cars
9. Hopeless (I Love You and What You've Done With the Place) -- Burn Disco Burn
10. There She Goes (Best of) -- The La's

General Thoughts: As the title says, "Holy 80s!" Hey, it's Sex Dwarf tonight. Maybe the 'pod is picking up a subliminal message...

Seen Live: Natalie Merchant (27 times, with and without the Maniacs), Emm Gryner and Josh Joplin

Favorite Song: "Motherland" is one of the most beautiful contemporary folk songs. Granted I'm biased, but Joan Baez will back me up. Give it a listen and tell me you don't agree.

Least Favorite Song: I added "Heartbreak Beat" to the 'pod to gear up for Psychadelic Furs night at Sex Dwarf a couple of months ago, but I've come to discover that I'm just not a huge fan of the tune.

Memory Trigger: "In Your Room" is Troublekiss's favorite so I always think of her when I hear it. Unfortunately I've not yet been privy to her karaoke version. Hey T, I think you ought to put in a request with your girl Pussy tonight...

For more Random Friday, head on over to Apartment 2024 where Marisa always plays and compiles a Master Link List...

Happy Prom Weekend! (Yes, it's that time of year. School Prom's tonight and yours truly will be movin' and groovin' at the first ever Sex Dwarf Prom!)

I Get Some Ass-Kissing

2006-05-18T21:23:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I had what in teaching is the closest we have to a yearly "review." I'd been totally stressing because, just prior to the occasion, I'd accidentally effed up something in my online gradebook and figured that my supervisor (who is not only head of our department but also head of Guidance and All Things Grades) would be ready to rip me a new asshole (as she is wont to do).

As it turned out, not only did she not do the above, but she actually kissed my ass. I went in there and prefaced my faux pas by apologizing profusely and explaining that I knew she needed a gradebook issue like she needed a hole in the head at this point in the year.

"It's not a problem at all," she told me. "In fact, here's what we'll do..."

I was stunned. I thanked her and told her that I appreciated her understanding.

"You know," she said, "you taught me something last year when we had it out about how I reacted to you. I don't want to come across that way."

(Incidentally, last year she reemed me out for showing an R-rated film to seniors when the policy in place dicated that, as long as the kids were of age, we didn't need to send home permission slips. Long story short, I didn't take her crap and I not only stood up for myself, but I kind of stuck it to her for how she'd treated me.)

What's funny is that I don't really think I taught her anything, save for the fact that I won't be made to eat a bowl of shit. My boss didn't get the promotion she was after and is still bitter; from what I understand the board's reservation was primarily her lack of effective people skills.

Maybe she's getting her act together, albeit a little late. Still, though, I'll take it.

Poo Humor at Therapy

2006-05-17T17:55:00.000-04:00

Today I experienced another hilarious moment at therapy thanks, in part, to NB. I was sitting there and D mentioned "stool" (yes, as in poop, people. Nevermind the context. I can assure you that I don't have a fetish that involves poo as more than an abstract concept.)

Anyway, as soon as she uttered the word I was nearly off the couch I was laughing so hard.

"I know it sounds ridiculous, but there actually is some validity..." she started.

"No, no, you just triggered something," I told her. "My friend N, who knows my love of scatalogical humor, has this furniture store near her and in the window they have a sign that says 'we have the biggest stools in town.' She apparently thinks of me every time she passes it," I blurted out.

Needless to say, D thought that was hysterical. She was dying laughing. I am so glad that my therapist has a great sense of humor.

Anyway, thanks for the moment, N.

Caught...At the Gym

2006-05-17T14:48:00.000-04:00

The other day I opted to work out at the branch of our gym that's in the 'burbs; sometimes I shoot over there after school and get my routine in before heading back into the city. Perhaps surprisingly, I hadn't run into any students while getting my elliptical on...until yesterday.

All of a sudden I sat up, in the middle of my ab routine, to see a senior from last year smiling and waving at me. I was shocked, not only because of the out-of-context thing, but also because of the fact that this kid was perpetually lazy, long-faced and irritable on the best of days. (Incidentally, she displayed all of the lethargy in her workout that she did in her classwork.) Still, I was amicable.

After that all went down, I got to thinking about a friend of mine from college and a story she once told me about running into a prof post-workout. The tale went like this: my friend had come into the locker room to find her Sociology professor (who was also her advisor!) prancing around completely nude.

"Hi JS!" her prof called, exuberantly.

Talk about embarrassing. At least I was only doing ab crunches (not that I galivant around bare-assed in the locker room, mind you).

Penises and Smoke Signals

2006-05-13T00:59:00.000-04:00

I've been feeling kind of "blah" lately (as is evident from recent posts). It probably doesn't help that I'm fighting a cold. I came home from school today completely exhausted and took a three hour nap. It was a good thing too, because we had plans this evening and I didn't want to renege. It turns out the little siesta must have served me well because here it is one o'clock in the morning and I'm wide awake and blogging.

M&R and Troublekiss came over to hang out and have sushi from Moshi Moshi. What I love about my good friends is the fact that there's never any pressure to be "on," and the fun and general hilarity are always natural byproducts of our time together. Such was the case tonight; I more than made up for my derth of laughter this week.

It all began when MS launched into a story about her co-worker, Linwood, a 32-year-old grandpa. (DD and RS were joking that his family tree looked more like a telephone pole with twigs protruding from it as opposed to a rightful tree with branches.)

"A 32-year-old grandpa! You know what that would take?" RS asked. "You'd have you get a girl knocked up at fifteen and then you'd have to have your kid knock up/get knocked up by fifteen or sixteen..."

Troublekiss (quoting Bernie Mac, apparently): "When it's a boy you gotta worry 'bout ONE penis. When it's a girl you gotta worry 'bout eeeeeverybody penis!"

In addition to the above feat, Linwood is also an alleged office thief. MS had fifteen dollars stolen from her purse this week and it seems to be somewhat of an epidemic.

Me: "If Linwood doesn't stop stealing, HE gonna have to worry 'bout 'eeeeeverybody penis' once he gets to jail!"

From there the conversation segued into one about an aquaintance we all have who is naively idealistic (to put it nicely). He often puts us down and laments his own status of "working for 'the man.'" It's become a total cliche at this point. Color me jaded.

Anyway, JS (our subject) recently told Troublekiss that he was going to a Native American Smokeout. (And what, pray tell, does one do at a smokeout, you ask? I have no effing clue. Just go with it.) This was exactly the sort of event that would likely send JS into orgasmic delight; it's natural, back-to-the-earth and free of yuppies.

But, wouldn't you know, the smokeout was cancelled. Due to RAIN. JS got all the way there and had to turn around.

Troublekiss: "Those Native Americans are pussies. They're gonna let a little rain stop them?!"

RS: "Apparently JS didn't see the smoke signals saying that it was cancelled." [making smoke/flame gestures with hands] "This event is cancelled. Go home."

DD: "Zen question: If you're on your way to a smokeout and you see smoke signals that say it's cancelled, is it happening or not?"

MS: "This event is sponsored by Phillip Morris. Don't forget to pick up a T-shirt on your way out."

THAT would have been the ultimate in ironic hilarity, especially given our friend JS's naive politics.

At any rate, our friends are some entertaining peeps. Tonight was exactly what I needed: good food, good company, good laughs.

It's been a full day. Maybe it's bedtime after all.

Random Friday: The "I'm Late" Edition

2006-05-12T16:09:00.000-04:00

You know the deal. Put your digital music player on shuffle and report back the first ten songs it spits out. No apron-wringing!

Here's the stuff:

1. Dancing With Myself (Best of) -- Billy Idol
2. My Sharona (Reality Bites soundtrack) -- The Knack
3. If I Could (Emoh) -- Lou Barlow
4. Contraband (Don't Walk Fly) -- Karma
5. Back on the Chain Gang (The Singles) -- The Pretenders
6. Know Your Rights (Live: From Here to Eternity) -- The Clash
7. Hey Man (Now You're Really Livin') (Blinking Lights and Other Revelations) -- The Eels
8. Drowned (Skeleton Jar) -- Youth Group
9. Laid (Best of) -- James
10. Mercy of the Fallen (Beauty of the Rain) -- Dar Williams

General Thoughts: A lot of old, fun favorites here.

Song that Most Makes Me Laugh (since I'm in need of a good laugh!): I cannot listen to "My Sharona" without picturing the gas station mini mart scene in Reality Bites where Janeane Garofalo busts some hilarious moves.

Happy Friday, Everyone.

Blah

2006-05-10T20:59:00.000-04:00

I feel like I'm going through an anti-social phase. Granted I have gone out some lately, but I don't have a burning desire to live it up. I fear I'm being kind of lame.

Ironically, my therapist thinks that my temperament is actually better (maybe because I happened to crack a few funnies today? Incidentally, she finds me hilarious). I don't know what's up. I feel like something's in flux, but I'm not sure exactly what.

I'm not feeling cranky or irritable per se. However, I could definitely use a really good laugh. Tell me something hysterical. It's been too long since I've had a truly gut-busting moment...

P.S. My hypocondria has kicked up a notch since yesterday. My latest paranoia: eye cancer.

It Does Get Worse Than Irritable Bowel Syndrome

2006-05-09T22:33:00.000-04:00

This morning I received an email from one of my oldest friends. (Actually, he and I have quite a history that includes more than friendship, but that's kind of beside the point.) There have been gaps in our past where we've fallen out of touch for months and then reconnected and picked up right back where we began. Despite our distance in time and miles, we have retained a pretty unique bond.

Anyway, JW has been living in Prague for the last year or so writing for an English language paper and working on a short story collection. So you can imagine my surprise when I opened up my mail this morning and the subject title read "Hi from Philly." Yes, he is in Philly. (In fact, we just got off the phone.) However, the reason for his being here is not a happy one.

As it turns out, JW has cancer in his right eye. He's having the eye removed tomorrow at Will's Eye Hospital and, in six weeks, he will get a prosthetic. (He has no vision in the eye at this point and they don't think that they can save it.)

Needless to say, when you hear this kind of a story you often realize how much you take for granted. Please keep your fingers crossed for my friend; at the very least, lets hope that his surgery goes as well as it possibly can.

Not Much is Up

2006-05-08T21:07:00.000-04:00

In a nutshell:

1) I had a pretty uneventful weekend. Laid low on Friday and went to a terrible party on Saturday. It was all these overly Type A, obnoxious, high-powered ego-driven lawyers. Normally we are not friendly with such people (in fact most of our friends are teacher-y, artsy, non-profit-y types), but the birthday boy (who is actually a nice guy himself) was a friend of DD's. So I had to put on a brave face. It was definitely tough in the face of so many my-shit-don't-stink folks. Thankfully Krizmic called in the middle of the ordeal and I was able to steal away a couple of minutes chatting with her.

2) Today I went to the gym and noticed a woman eating a blow pop while running on the treadmill. A little ironic, no? Perhaps the line of thinking is that she can afford to eat that shit if she goes for a run simultaneaously. Next time I'll remember to ask her how that diet is working out.

No profundities tonight, people. I simply felt guilty for not updating in a few days...

Back At It: The Friday Shuffle

2006-05-05T10:04:00.000-04:00

You know the rules. Put your digital music player on shuffle and report back the first ten songs it spits out. No "apron wringing" allowed.

Here goes:

1. Cemetary Gates (The Queen is Dead) -- The Smiths
2. Disco Lights (Science Fair) -- Emm Gryner
3. If I Can't Change Your Mind (Copper Blue) -- Sugar
4. Wrapped Up in Books (Dear Catastrophe Waitress) -- Belle and Sebastian
5. I Don't Want to Know (Rumors) -- Fleetwood Mac
6. Sick of Myself (100% Fun) -- Matthew Sweet
7. Good Man (The Animal Years) -- Josh Ritter
8. Can't Get a Line (Satellite Rides) -- Old 97's
9. American Music (Why do Birds Sing?) -- Violent Femmes
10. Other End of the Telescope (Ultimate Collection) -- Aimee Mann

General Thoughts: Wow! Great set. Not a bad song here.

Seen Live: Emm Gryner, Bob Mould (of Sugar), Belle and Sebastian, Matthew Sweet, Josh Ritter, Aimee Mann

Particularly enjoying right now: I'm on a total Josh Ritter kick ever since I saw him live last week. "God Man" is probably my favorite track on the new record. Also, I've kind of rediscovered Emm Gryner. I listened to her quite a bit in college and even got to see her at a house concert once.

Memory Trigger: Matthew Sweet's 100% Fun makes me think of high school. NS (HS boyfriend) and I used to love this record. It's still great.

Back to work...

"Holy Crotch" Rocks in G-Ho Quizzo...Sort Of

2006-05-03T12:48:00.000-04:00

Last night I played Quizzo (bar trivia) with DD, our friends B&K, their friend E and Troublekiss. We'd made the date with B&K weeks ago; this was the first Tuesday that DD was out of class (he was taking an indie film course for fun and it just ended). Anyway, we played at The Sidecar, a local G-Ho bar (incidentally, our neighborhood doesn't have a real name. We live near a hospital, so the realtors all refer to it as "Graduate Hospital." Lame. We've christened it "The G-Ho.").

Troublekiss showed up to play with us and she and B got talking about Holy Cross, where and she his bro went to school.

"Cool, so your sis went to Holy Crotch?" T asked, laughing.

From that moment on, our team name was set. It was great because they would keep announcing it over and over again each round, when it would come time for a score update.

The unfortunate news is that we only came in second. Ironically, our knowledge of sick sexual trivia was a little lacking (oh yes, incredulous ones). Sample question: What is the term for when a guy pulls out during intercourse with a woman and goes for a surprise anal attack?

A Pearl Harbor.

Reality and Fiction Collide

2006-05-02T18:01:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking about my old therapist, LRK, a lot lately. She and I worked together for two years, up until she had a baby and decided to abandon private practice. I absolutely adored her. I still do. We have coffee (well, I have tea) a couple times a year.

Anyway, she's super cool, and we had this fabulous rapport; she's only about seven years older than I am and we just related, almost instantly, on all kinds of stuff from a similar chronic stomach problem to a shared taste in music (she loved Natalie!).

In truth, the Reese character in my novel is heavily based on LRK. It's funny because L was really the first person in my adult life to tell me that I had a novel in me (my high school English teacher told me many times when I was an adolescent). L used to have me do a lot of journaling and would marvel at the sorts of things I would write. So this turn of events is strangely fitting.

Anyway, I emailed her today to say hi and to tell her what I'd been up to. I got a nearly-immediate response. Her message began: A -- Hey girl. So great to hear from you. I am glad things are going well and I want to see that novel when it is done. I am sure it will be great...and funny too. (She totally digs my sense of humor. We shared some gut-busting moments.)

Obviously I told her a little bit about the book. But I did not tell her that she's kind of, indirectly, IN it. How hilarious would it be if I wrote her back saying Hey L, I'll totally let you see the goods in time. And you can sue me later. HA!

But there will be no slander. LRK is a near saint/goddess, and if she doesn't come out of this looking at least mildly exalted, then I really won't have accomplished what I'm after...

A New Reason to Take Prescription Drugs...

2006-05-02T17:53:00.000-04:00

My pharmacist is cute. I recently started going to "The Ghetto Rite Aid" because it is slightly more convenient than the CVS that I had been going to. Anyway, now that "Daniel" is filling my scripts, I am hooked. And I think he was checking me out, so it's a good self-esteem day.

That's really all I have to say at the moment.

Noho: Imperfectly Perfect

2006-05-01T14:43:00.000-04:00

As you all know, there is no such thing as a bad retreat at the Big Yellow. That said, though, there was definitely a different vibe than in January. For one, Nerissa was a bit distracted (understandably), and the group just didn't gel in the same way.

Even though people aren't quite as at ease on Friday, a tone is still set, even that night. I remember doing introductions immediately in January (so when K and I bumped into each other for about the third time in the kitchen, I actually knew her name!). All during dinner I felt a bit on-edge since I had no idea who half of the people were and I actually thought that perhaps I'd missed intros since I was about ten minutes late. But apparently I didn't, as Nerissa did them later, before we began to write.

By Sunday people started to comment a bit more freely and comfortably on the work, but I felt like it took a couple of days. Interestingly enough, there was no big group lunch (folks decided to go their own ways); I really feel like the decision on everyone's parts to do that says something about the group as a whole. People this time around seemed to splinter off into their factions; there was a fragmentation that didn't exist in the winter.

I worked on my novel. I wasn't as happy with what came out this time around, and the response wasn't quite as enthusiastic as before. I remember coming back from the January retreat with a sense of confidence that elluded me this time. That said, I did write a scene that takes place in the therapist's office (BTW, I changed the therapist character's name from Emily to Reese; I'm much happier now as Emily was too "soft" for her, I felt) which was one of my goals for the weekend.

My drive up to Noho was terrible; the traffic was horrific (roadwork delays, bridge delays, bad drivers, debris flying off of trucks and hitting my car), so I was incredibly stressed upon arrival. Consequently, I was feeling a little out-of-my element. I felt like it took me some time to get into the "retreat zone," so to speak.

Nerissa wore my necklace all weekend which was strangely comforting (not to mention that I was completely flattered when she brought it up to the group). She said that she can't take it off because she gets so many compliments on it. When people tell her that it's "gorgeous," she apparently tells them that "my friend A made it for me." I was touched.

Thank goodness for KJ and her hot tub after a stressful Friday; she and J made great hostesses. And they have a beautiful place! K and I hung out with them for the better part of three hours that night. I'm so glad it worked out that we could get together.

Saturday we did the morning session and then went to lunch with a couple of retreat people; K joined us and reaped the benefits without fully being ON the retreat. Later that night we saw Tracy Grammer at the Iron Horse with two other folks from the Big Yellow. Tracy was super; she has such a gracious, humble stage presence. And she told a hilarious story about trying to contact Maureen McCormick (aka Marcia Brady) who is allegedly covering a Dave Carter tune in her country band. No luck for Tracy, though, as her email only prompted an auto-response encouraging her to purchase a signed 8x10 glossy of MM!

Sunday I had lunch with K before I left town. It was great to get so much "hang out" time in, and we're looking forward now to FRFF (and perhaps a Philly weekend prior?!).

Lastly, I'll have you know, the drive back was much more peaceful. Now I just need to repay my sleep debt after a whirlwind weekend...

Maybe I'll get started this afternoon.

Backing Up: Josh Ritter at WCL

2006-05-01T13:43:00.000-04:00

I have to back up about four days here as I didn't get to talk at all about the Josh Ritter show before I took off for Noho. And then, of course, there was Noho. But we'll get there.

Thursday night I was in a shitty mood; I was completely flustered trying to get everything wrapped up so that I could get out of town and enjoy the weekend away. I've been sitting on a stack of term papers and I almost bagged on Josh because I didn't want to have school stuff hanging over me while in Northampton. But, I decided to say Fuck it, the kids can wait, and DD and I went to the show. I'm so glad I did.

Hem opened and they were pretty impressive, actually. The lead singer reminds me slightly of Margo Timmons vocally. DD enjoyed them. They had nine players up on the stage and they performed a nice variety of country-tinged, bluegrassy tunes.

In between acts, we moved toward the stage; they took out the tables for the show so there were no seats. I'm really losing my tolerance for concerts where I have to stand. Luckily we made friends with two women about my age who offered up their "seats" on a makeshift barrier in front of the stage. So we had front row.

We got into a music-related conversation with our new friends and, coincidentally, Noho came up. It turns out that this one woman went to Smith for her MSW; DD asked her if she'd ever seen a show at the Iron Horse, indicating that I was going to be seeing a show there this weekend.

"I only saw one show in Noho and I can't remember if it was there," she told us. "I saw Natalie Merchant. That woman is such a goddess."

You all know my reaction. We did figure out that it wasn't the Iron Horse that our girl played; it was likely the Calvin. But, God, imagine NAM playing a venue the size of the IH! I'd give my left arm to see that. Although somehow I don't think they'd get her Steinway grand on that stage...

At any rate, my friend gave me a little piece of advice on Natalie's behalf: Go and visit the botanical gardens at Smith. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to indulge. But more about the show.

The evening got off to an auspicious start once we entered World Cafe Live; Hem was good, we snagged some front row "seats," and I bonded with a fellow Natalie admirer. So Josh HAD to be good. And he was.

What is most striking about Josh Ritter is that he smiles like no performer I've ever seen. He absolutely loves to play, and he exudes a certain euphoria. He's also incredibly humble for such a talented guy. He got a little flustered at one point and even admitted to us that he was nervous. What a sweetheart.

The setlist was pretty varied, although it leaned a bit heavier on the new material. He played a perfect mix of the slower, folkier ballads and the rockers. Unfortunately, he did not do my absolute favorite of his songs, "Bright Smile." But you can't have it all, I suppose...

I'll be back with news of the weekend later. In the meantime, head on over to Krizmic's blog...

Random Friday Goes By the Wayside Because I Gotta Get on the Road...

2006-04-28T10:53:00.000-04:00

I'll post later if I get a chance. Otherwise, I'll be back to it next week.

Quick, quick: We saw Josh Ritter last night at World Cafe Live and he was amazing. More another time.

Taking Off the Trench Coat

2006-04-26T19:49:00.000-04:00

The title is an allusion to NB's dream about me from the other night. Yesterday she wrote to me:

I had a rather strange dream involving you last night. A group of girls (including us) went shopping at the mall. We were in one store that sold shoes and clothes. It was getting late, almost to the point of closing, but we were all trying on shoes. Then the guy who worked at the store (who we all had decided was rather creepy) started shutting off the lights in the store. He came up to us and told us it was time to go, and he touched my arm. We all got up very quickly, and I scrambled to put my shoes back on, and we left. In the dark, I had put one of my shoes on, and accidentally put a shoe from the store on the other foot. Because the mall was closed, we had to leave through the fire stairwell. The stairwells were gendered -- BOYS and GIRLS. You decided to go down the BOYS because you couldn't smoke in the GIRLS, and you wanted to smoke. As we were walking down the stairs I told you I liked your coat and asked if it was new. (It was a cream colored trench coat.) You told me it was your new "Dorothy" coat, which for some reason I took to mean the same style as Dorothy Parker.

I wrote to her:

Wow, interesting!! Did you happen to know that my therapist is named Dorothy?? So bizarre! But I actually think the Dorothy Parker thing works better because the image of me in the dream feels like the image I'm trying to shed -- the "uber cool" A, the "I'm not vulnerable" A. (And DP was all wit and smarts and I totally hide that way at times...)

Anyway, after N's dream and my post last week about my therapist D and my gratitude toward her, I got to thinking that I'm still working to let my guard down, even in "safe" situations. A number of you suggested writing D a card so that the waterworks wouldn't be mortifying. That is definitely the route I've gone in the past. But I wanted to push myself, just a little bit. I wanted to say -- to speak -- what I felt.

I had a session with D today and, at the end, I just said it all. I told her that I've been so touched by her thoughtful actions and words and that I really appreciated the call when I had a low point last week. And, surprisingly, the tears didn't come when I opened my mouth.

D was beaming. "Thank you so much for sharing that," she told me, knowing how hard it was. "I really appreciate the feedback because I do worry about being too intrusive. Some people come in here for their weekly hour and it seems like, beyond that, they don't want me 'interferring' in the rest of their lives."

The idea that therapy, for some people, can be that impersonal fascinates me. What makes someone like D so amazing is that she doesn't negate what is undoubtedly a personal resonance.

At any rate, she truly IS a gem. I hope she knows it.

The Two Faces of Myspace

2006-04-26T19:08:00.000-04:00

Myspace is a little cheesy, I admit. But, it's addictive as hell. And it totally appeals to my inner stalker.

The other day my best friend from high school, HP, called. We hadn't talked in a while because, you know, life just gets so damn busy.

"It's high time you made a Myspace profile, H," I said to her. "I recently got back in touch with RP from MFS -- it's pretty wild who you end up reconnecting with. Just do it." (Incidentally, MFS was where we went to school, and RP was the boy who figured most prominently into my adolescent fantasies.)

"A, I don't know that I want to reconnect with RP from MFS!" she responded, half jokingly.

I kind of laughed off her remark at the time, but perhaps H was right. After all, I did just receive unsolicited porn from him this morning.

You can bet your ass I'll be forwarding it to H as soon as she signs on.

Spreading the Addiction

2006-04-26T18:45:00.000-04:00

Today I was missing half of my fifth period Honors kids because they were busy taking an AP Chem exam. Screw teaching, I thought.

And then a brilliant idea came to me: I would show them Freaks and Geeks! And that I did. (I played the episode where the parents read Lindsay's diary and the geeks crank call the gym teacher because they're tired of being picked last for softball.)

My kids LOVED it. When the bell rang, I had to kick them out.

And if they remember Freaks and Geeks over Huck Finn, so be it.

Countdown to Noho

2006-04-26T10:34:00.000-04:00

In about 48 hours I will be on the road north where I'll be retreating and writing (of course), and visiting friends (can't wait, K and KJ!).

Friday will be dinner and a session at NFN's, followed by hot-tubbing with KJ and Krizmic. Saturday will be more writing in the morning, lunch at the Bistro (?), wandering downtown Noho, late afternoon writing, a dinner cookout and then Tracy Grammer at the legendary Iron Horse (to which I've never been). Sunday will be one final writing session and our goodbyes.

The other night I caught up with Pencopal, who got back from Vegas at the end of last week. She had been looking forward to the trip immensely and then felt slightly depressed when it was all over. I know I'm going to experience the same cycle of emotions; right now I'm totally on this high thinking about the next couple of days. But once it's all over, I'll inevitably sink a bit. Such is life, I suppose.

Even though I'll likely find a group of great, new people this weekend, I am still feeling a little nostalgic for the January folks. You guys were, and are, amazing. You'll be there in spirit.

Don't Talk Politics with the Cleaning Lady

2006-04-24T21:11:00.000-04:00

I've been so psyched because we finally found a reasonably-priced cleaning person in the city ("reasonably-priced" is relative, I assure you. Don't ask.). Anyway, our friends DZ and JZ (who keep an immaculate house) told us about her, so I had good reason to be excited.

Out of fear of her googling herself and finding my blog, I will refrain from telling you her name, but suffice to say that she could easily be a character on The Sopranos (or, as DD pointed out, an Italian dessert).

Anyway, GS had a little trouble finding our place and initially wound up a bit farther south in the G-Ho on her first attempt. (DD says that he actually drove by the house that she claimed to have gone to; it was apparently a Ghetto Fabulous shack with its number, 1812, spray-painted on the door.)

I was looking forward to meeting GS because she sounded so cute on the phone; she had such a sweet accent (apparently she's Italian AND Russian, though her same sounds completely Italian). And though she was extremely sweet to me, she was FAR from politically correct.

"Eeeshley, I wuuz scared about dat house because it wuuz black area and I diddn't know who was it dere. I wuuz like Jickie has da colored friends! I wuuz like 'deese people probly cannot pay!'"

Yikes.

Let me tell you, though, my house is SUPER clean. Am I a morally repugnant human being if I employ bigots to scrub my place??

Nevermind. Don't answer that one. My toilets are sparking at the moment and I'd really like to avoid a shitstorm (no pun intended!) on my parade. I'll hang my head in shame later, once the skid marks start to show...

Taking Back Sex Dwarf

2006-04-24T16:00:00.000-04:00

Sex Dwarf on Friday night was loads of fun, even though music wise, it wasn't the best set ever. MS, KS, CC, Poop Deck Boy (ha!) and Troublekiss and I danced for about four straight hours. I think I got my cardio in.

The best part was that we made some friends on the floor. First, some random dude decided to hoist Troublekiss up onto the stage and then the two of them somehow reeled me in. T told me that he picked me up at one point but I totally don't remember. (And, I wasn't drunk, people!) Either my girl has an overactive imagination or I am a little delusional. Or both.

Later on, Pink Shirt Boy befriended MS and me. He was cool because he didn't try to maul us; he was just about dancing and having fun. And he LOVED the tunes! At one point when some skeevy guy seemed like he was shadowing me, PSB leaned over and said, "If you need help, just let me know!"

Our friendship with PSB began while Troublekiss had gone to get another beer. When she came back shortly afterward, she pushed past our man in what he thought was a graceless, obnoxious way.

He leaned over to me and said, "That girl seems like kind of a bitch. She didn't even excuse herself."

"She's my friend, and she's actually a really nice person," I assured him. "I'm sure she didn't mean it."

Worried that he'd completely offended me at that point, he turned bright red and proceeded to apologize profusely. He even made like he was going to go dance by himself until I insisted that it was okay.

The next day I relayed the story to Troublekiss who thought it was hysterical (I debated telling her because, let's face it, if someone called me a bitch, I probably wouldn't want to hear about it. But DD convinced me that T would think it was amusing.)

In fact, T wants to meet Pink Shirt Boy and she asked if we'd gotten his name or any contact info. Sadly, we didn't. Then T, half jokingly, told me that I should place a "Missed Connections" ad on Craigslist. Perhaps the ad would read:

You were the pink-shirted straight boy (yes, the only one!) who danced with us at Sex Dwarf on Friday, April 21st. Thank you for not molesting us and for protecting me from my dance floor stalker. Rest assured that I am not offended at your assumption that my friend was a bitch. Please come back next month, though, so that she can change your mind, and we can dance again. In your immortal words, "Yay 80s!"

The Friday Shuffle: The Tonight's-Sex-Dwarf Edition

2006-04-21T09:13:00.000-04:00

You know the rules: put the old digitial music player on shuffle. Report back the first ten songs it spits out. No skipping, apologizing or rationalizing.

Here goes...

1. Sit Down (James) -- James
2. Manifest Destiny/Sorority Tears (Ganging Up on the Sun) -- Guster
3. Change Your Mind (Hot Fuss) -- The Killers
4. Close to Me (Staring at the Sea) -- The Cure
5. We Are Nowhere and it's Now (I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning) -- Bright Eyes
6. Such Great Heights (Give Up) -- The Postal Service
7. And She Was (Little Creatures) -- Talking Heads
8. The Day I Let Glory Steer (This Town is Wrong) -- The Nields
9. Rockin' the Suburbs (Rockin' the Suburbs) -- Ben Folds
10. Same Old City (Gilded Stars and Zealous Hearts) -- Velocity Girl

General Thoughts: Not as Sex Dwarf-y as last week's set, but oh well. We did get the Cure in there, at least... Oh, and finally a Nields song! And, lastly, I should mention here that I would ordinarily be getting pretty psyched for the forthcoming Guster album, but given the above recent download from it, I'm not quite sure what to expect...

Seen Live: Guster, The Nields, Velocity Girl (the latter was one of the most fun shows ever: VG's farewell gig at the 9:30 Club in DC around '97...)

Favorite Song: A toss-up between "Sit Down," "Glory" and "Same Old City" depending on mood and circumstance.

Least Favorite Song: "Rockin' the Suburbs"

Favorite Album(s): Give Up and Gilded Stars and Zealous Hearts

Memory Trigger: Whenever I hear "Sit Down" I think of going to Sorted (a britpop dance party) at the Troc with MS in the late 90s. What fun...

For more Random Friday, head on over to Apartment 2024 where Marisa always plays and compiles a Master Link List...

I'm off for now, Kids. Happy Friday.

My Therapist is a Gem

2006-04-20T21:00:00.000-04:00

Last night my therapist made me cry. But in a totally good way.

As I said when I posted yesterday, I was feeling pretty down before we went out to meet our friends. After the massage, my emotions just came pouring out; all of my feelings of being a bit "stuck" lately (with everything from my stomach issues to my emotional issues), and my frustration around something needing to give just came to a head. I've been feeling like I try so hard and yet somehow I wind up back at what feels like square one, torturing myself about what I could have done differently.

Anyway, D was worried about me when I left therapy and she called while DD and I were having dinner/drinks with B and K. It was when I heard her message that the tears started to flow. She told me that she knew I was feeling pretty hopeless and that she was thinking about me; she also said that she wanted to make sure she conveyed to me that even though I may feel like "nothing's working," that we have far from exhausted all of the avenues. She also told me that I try really hard and that she absolutely understands my frustration. "But you have a team of people who care about you and we're going to get there," she said. Her level of compassion awes me.

My therapist is truly amazing, and not just at what she does. I've had therapists who are skilled, but it's D's skills coupled with her humanity that make her so special. When I am hurting in a session, I can see the pain on her face. One time I even spotted a tear. Another time she was so immersed in what we were working on that we went an hour over and she refused to let me pay for the extra time. She is invested in me in such a deep and real way; sometimes I don't feel worthy.

But I do feel incredibly lucky and I think I want to tell D this. However, I am really bad at these sorts of things. If I were to go there the waterworks would totally start...

Today's Shopping Trip

2006-04-20T20:44:00.000-04:00

I did come across a few bargains:

1) a 100% cotton, sateen, 440 thread count queen sheet set for $36

2) a couple of H&M tops, including a black halter for $5.50. Sex Dwarf, here I come.

3) a black, summery, cotton Benetton sweater

It wasn't the best batch of stuff a trip to the ghetto mall ever yielded, but it'll do.

I Can't Stop Thinking About Freaks and Geeks

2006-04-20T20:04:00.000-04:00

I am now on a mission: I want all of you, my friends, to see this series. It's warm, witty, smart, and, at times, side-splittingly funny. It will cheer you up. Those are my unselfish reasons for foisting it onto you. The selfish reason is that I will have more people to talk about it with.

That said, Superball9 and Anerda, I am curious: what did you think of the ending? DD said that he was waiting for something more; I guess he wanted more resolution. But I kind of loved it just the way it was.

It seemed somehow perfect that Lindsay found the Dead. Her connection to the music felt so real and authentic and she seemed so at home in herself by the end. You just knew that she was going to be okay. (Incidentally, when she was dancing to American Beauty in her room she was totally busting some Natalie Merchant moves. Nice.).

Oh, and it nearly broke my heart when Sam said good-bye to his sister at the bus stop...

Now I want to go relive it all again...

Spring Break 2006

2006-04-19T21:19:00.000-04:00

You'd think given the fact that I'm off this week I'd actually find time to update my blog. But no. I'm oh-so-busy...doing some pretty lame catch-up-y stuff.

For example, this morning I had my blood drawn (thyroid check -- ever since I got half of it out I have to keep on it). The other day I went grocery shopping and did some spring cleaning. Oh, and I went to the gym two days in a row.

But now for the more interesting activities. Today I got a massage. It was really nice and relaxing, but the strangest thing happened. After it was over I got really emotional. I started crying and feeling all depressed. I'm not sure what to make of this, but it had me a little freaked out.

But I said I was going to talk about fun break activities. So onward. Tonight we had dinner and drinks with some new friends -- brand new friends, in fact. Our friend AM emailed me last week and asked if we'd mind talking to her co-worker and his wife who are interested in buying a place in our neighborhood, The G-Ho (don't ask). We were, of course, more than happy to indulge. AM thought we'd all get along famously, being the social couples we both are. She was right; we had more in common than simply taste in neighborhoods!

Tomorrow I'm thinking about going shopping. I love to shop on my own when I can take my time and not have to worry about anyone but me. I might even brave the PWT crowd at the local outlet mall; I do it for the bargains, people.

Friday I'm getting a haircut (just an inch or two) and a pedicure. Later in the evening we're headed to Sex Dwarf; MS and Troublekiss are back in action this month!

Right now I'm off to crawl into bed to read some more of The Secret History, this month's book club selection. So far so good.

TV: Turds and Travesties

2006-04-18T12:53:00.000-04:00

I am starting to become really effing bored with the latest Sopranos season. Anyone else? I mean, how long are they going to drag out the "Vito is gay" thing? We get it: mob guys are homophobic a-holes. They whack people over things like this. Move on, already.

Incidentally, the funniest line so far this season was when Tony asked Dr. Melfi if there was any chance of a "mercy fuck." Priceless.

But moving on. I am very sad that my latest television obsession has now come to an end...seven years late. I just finished watching the first and only season of Freaks and Geeks on DVD last night (I dare say it was a travesty that that show went off the air). I almost cried when it was over, people.

Lindsay Weir is my idol.

A Silly Diversion

2006-04-18T12:50:00.000-04:00

Someone showed me this the other day.

Go to Google. Type the word "failure" in the search box. Now hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button and see where it takes you...

Are you laughing yet?

Wuss Music?

2006-04-17T13:04:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I had Easter brunch with the family. Over the meal, my little brother (who is 19 and in college) announced to my parents, in all seriousness, that he wants to pursue music as a career. And he meant music in the most unpractical of senses: he wants to be a rock star.

He's talented enough. He's a fantastic musician and has been at it for years on the drums, guitar, piano and vocals. His primary instrument is the drums, however, and his latest band is apparently taking off; they're getting gigs and they just got a weekend of free studio time at a place in NYC due to a connection. Their plan is to get a demo out.

Anyway, I got to talking to Paul about not only his music (which is pretty much straight-up rock and roll, fairly classic in its approach) but music in general, and he began lamenting the current state of things.

"It seems like the bands that critics are fawning over these days are all part of this indie, wuss-rock scene. I haven't found much new music that's really inspiring."

He then proceeded to immediately cite Death Cab as a perfect example of what he was talking about. And, granted, I like Death Cab. They are pleasant. But they are definitely not groundbreaking, and I will even give him "wuss rock." *

Surprisingly, I didn't get defensive. He has a point. If it's not "wuss rock," then it's this moody, inaccessible weird shit, or lame Gang of Four imitators like Franz Ferdinand. It seems you've got to fall into one of a couple of categories these days if you want to get any attention from Pitchfork or any pseudo-alternative media. Think for a second about the bands that are popular there: Death Cab. Iron and Wine. The New Pornographers. Belle and Sebastian. The latest esoteric Swedish pop band.
Again, much of this is pleasant. I even have a couple of Death Cab and B&S albums, and I have some New Pornos on my iPod. But I really don't think that this stuff has long-term, influential staying power. Sure, it will always appeal to a niche audience. But I don't think it's ever going to change the musical landscape in any major way.

It could be that I'm just getting old and cranky, but I think there's probably a bit more to it. After all, my brother is only 19; he's too young to be jaded.

* No one is saying that rock needs to be "macho" per se. However, there is a certain airy, substanceless feel to some of these bands that I can only describe as "light." Either that or moody and melacholy, and either way I want something with more of a sense of being after a while. Patty Griffin, for example, is far from macho, but there's absolutely nothing "wuss" about her.

Patty is Flaming Red

2006-04-14T23:37:00.000-04:00

I just got back from seeing Patty Griffin on what I'm christening the "Low Maintenance Tour 2006." Just Patty and her guitarist Doug. No band. No t-shirts. The latter actually disappointed me greatly because she always has such cool designs. But the show itself was spectacular nonetheless. And, if you couldn't tell from the pic, we had front row.

Patty came out in a satin red-orange dress that perfectly matched her fiery hair. She told us that this stint was part of the "Crash Test Dummies" tour; we were apparently the "dummies," as she was debuting a plethora of new tunes. The material sounded terrific, although the album won't be out until early next year. She only played a handful of older songs ("Making Pies," "Rain," "Useless Desires" and "Truth #2"); my one complaint was that she didn't do anything from Living With Ghosts, which is my absolute favorite of her albums. (Not to mention that it is the epitome of understatedness.)

Thanks again, MS. GREAT b-day present!

Some Friday Tunes: The I'm-on-Spring-Break Edition

2006-04-14T13:12:00.000-04:00

Okay, you know the rules. But here they are again just in case: Put your digital music player on shuffle and report back the first ten tracks it plays. No skipping, apologizing or rationalizing (even if "We Built this City" comes up. Phew. I'm off the hook again today...).

Here's the jig:

1. Enola Gay (The Best of OMD) -- OMD
2. My Best Friend's Girl (Greatest Hits) -- The Cars
3. Bright Smile (Hello Starling) -- Josh Ritter
4. Brand New Lover (Evolution: The Hits) -- Dead or Alive
5. Elevator Love Letter (Heart) -- Stars
6. Disco 2000 (Different Class) -- Pulp
7. Wait, Wait, Wait (Interventions and Lullabies) -- The Format
8. Both Falling Bright (Early Morning Hyms) -- The Old Canes
9. Northern Lad (From the Choirgirl Hotel) -- Tori Amos
10. Winter (Eastmountainsouth) -- Eastmountainsouth

General Thoughts: This looked like it was going to be an 80s set at first. Not that I have a problem with that. I was starting to get a little excited for Sex Dwarf there for a few minutes. Speaking of, mark your calendars. Next Friday's the night...

Seen Live: Stars, Tori (and I have tix for Josh Ritter on 4.27!)

Favorite Song: This is really hard. If I'm feeling mellow, sad or nostalgic, definitely "Northern Lad." If I'm feeling happy and like I want to dance, either "Disco 2000" or "Elevator Love Letter."

Least Favorite Song: Honestly, these are all good songs. I don't think I can say.

Favorite Album: For sheer consistency, I'm going to go with Early Morning Hymns. There is not a bad tune on the record. The Old Canes is the sideproject of the lead singer of a band called The Appleseed Cast. The AC is actually in town tonight and if my girl Patty wasn't playing also, I'd definitely check 'em out. However, I dig The Old Canes more than the AC. If you were to put Wilco, My Morning Jacket, Dylan and the vocal stylings of Joe Strummer in a blender, you'd get something kinda like The Old Canes.

Now that we got that outta the way, I'm having iPod problems. I had to fire up iTunes for my Friday Shuffle because the 'pod is insanely fast forwarding of its own accord, and no sound is coming out. Any troubleshooters out there?? I could use some help...

Patty Griffin in 6.5 hours!

Overdue Update

2006-04-10T20:52:00.000-04:00

I haven't had the time to get creative lately (sitting on two stacks of papers!), so here's the straight news:

1. This weekend I saw four movies at the Philadelphia Film Festival: Fuck (a documentary about the word), The Devil and Daniel Johnston (a documentary about the tortured singer/songwriter with a cult following), Hard Candy (a thriller about a 14-year-old who captures and tortures a pedophile after he attempts to seduce her in a chat room), and One Last Thing (the story of a terminally ill teen whose last wish is to spend the weekend alone with his favorite supermodel). At the festival they hand out ballots with ratings that range from "Poor" to "Excellent." This year I did not rate anything "excellent." (For the record, the film we saw last weekend, Half Nelson, was the best of the bunch.) Everything I saw was at least a solid "good," with the exception of One Last Thing, which was weak. Unfortunately there were no Me and You and Everyone We Know-s this year. Oh well -- it's always a crapshoot, I guess.

2. After our movies Saturday night DD and I went out with our friend CC who, unfortunately, has had a rough couple of days. It was great to see her, and, I must say, I'm amazed at her seeming resilience.

3. I got another positive email from my sister. I responded warmly to her apology and she was very appreciative. Hopefully we are on the road to good things.

4. I am officially addicted to Easter candy. In particular, I can't stay away from 1) the Reeses peanut butter eggs and 2) the Zitner coconut creme eggs. I keep telling DD that I want him to make me an Easter egg hunt with just those two kinds, but he is not taking me seriously.

Bathtime! (Call me crazy, but when I have the time, I do like to indulge...)

The Past Week

2006-04-07T14:52:00.000-04:00

You, dear readers, pretty much know what's been up as I've updated nearly every day this week. However, it you're too lazy to read fully or you need a recap, here it is:

Monday: I was still reeling emotionally from the weekend chaos.

Tuesday: I had a good laugh at the fact that Jerry's potty was stolen. Later I enjoyed some great music at World Cafe Live. After that, my sister apologized.

Wednesday: I chilled out and watched more Freaks and Geeks.

Thursday: I went out for eats and drinks at The Latest Dish with DD, KS,
Pencopal, CE and DZ. From there they all went to see a jam/funk band at the TLA, but that's not my bag. So I bagged.

Friday: I trudged through a tedious "Professional Development" day at school. Tonight is dinner (Thai) with Pencopal and Anerda and then this at the Film Fest. (DD is at yet another jam band show -- Medeski, Martin and Wood.)

And the Spring Break countdown is on! Three and a half school days left...

Random Friday

2006-04-07T11:16:00.000-04:00

The weeks, they go by quickly!

It's time for a Random Friday once again. Here are a couple of rules: Get out your digital music player and hit shuffle. Report back the first ten songs it spits out. No skipping or rationalizing or "apron-wringing."

Here are the tunes:

1. Busy Driving (I Love You and What You've Done With the Place) -- Burn Disco Burn
2. Kamera (Yankee Hotel Foxtrot) -- Wilco
3. Shattered (40 Licks) -- Rolling Stones
4. Laughing (Winterpills) -- Winterpills
5. Lost Myself in Search of You (Please) -- Matt Nathanson
6. I Don't Believe You (i) -- The Magnetic Fields
7. The Wind Blew All Around Me (Baby Blue) -- Mary Lou Lord
8. Long Ride Home (1000 Kisses) -- Patty Griffin
9. Natural Anthem (Give Up) -- The Postal Service
10. Stowaway (Disenchanted Hearts Unite) -- Tullycraft

General Thoughts: My inner indie rock snob is showing! First the Magnetic Fields, next some chunky black glasses...

Did I just break the rules? Does self-deprecation count as "apron wringing"? Aw, screw it. I amused myself.

Seen Live: Wilco, Matt Nathanson, Mary Lou Lord, Patty Griffin

Favorite Song: It's definitely "Long Ride Home." Something that I love about Patty Griffin is that she makes it so easy to get lost in the music itself, even sometimes at the expense of the lyrics. I'm a big lyrics person and music, for me, is often a fusion of the emotional and the intellectual. But when I'm so moved by the emotion of a song that I forget the intellect of it, it's extremely refreshing. I can't think of too many singer-songwriters who completely capture me in this way. Patty has a rare gift.

Least Favorite Song: "Natural Anthem" is a funny choice given that I LOVE The Postal Service. In fact, Give Up is a close second favorite album from this batch. However, I really don't like this track. It's the one clinker on the record.

Favorite Album: 1000 Kisses. This is actually one of my favorites of all time. See above.

And speaking of Patty: One week from today MS, DD and I will be sitting in the front row at the Scottish Rite, mesmerized by her musical splendor...

Unexpected Goodness

2006-04-05T10:31:00.000-04:00

After a royally crappy weekend, I could have headed into the week completely hopeless. But somehow I managed to turn that around, and I'm not quite sure how. While I wasn't predicting (and trying to resist at the same time) doom, I wasn't holding fast to the notion that things simply had to get better. I guess I just let myself be, without the worry about what might come next.

As it turns out, this outlook couldn't have served me better.

Last night I went to World Cafe Live to see friend-of-a-friend Joel Ackerson. He and Pencopal grew up together in New York State, and they recently got back in touch. I was slightly bummed walking into the venue because downstairs (Joel was playing upstairs) my boy Matt Nathanson was playing a solo acoustic show to celebrate the release of his Live at the Point record that came out yesterday. His show at WCL sold out in under fifteen minutes the weekend I was skiing in the Catskills and therefore I was SOL. I put two ads on Craiglist and no one bit. Well, wouldn't you know, just as I walked through the door last night they announced that they were releasing a couple of last minute tickets. I felt slightly bad that I had to duck out on Joel's set early to catch Matt, but I wanted to treat myself given the way I've been feeling.

Matt was his hilarious, passionate and ballsy self, and everyone in the room was probably a little bit in love with him. The acoustics in the XPN venue are truly amazing -- the ring of the guitar was pristine. I can't wait to see Josh Ritter there in about three weeks. It's refreshing to hear music in a room that was actually built for music.

So Surprise Number Two... My sister emailed me an apology! I was floored. She said that she wanted to apologize for "whatever [she's] done in the past, either intentionally or not." I am not sure what got into her, but I am not complaining.

I guess good things happen when you really do least expect them.

Potty on the Loose

2006-04-04T12:44:00.000-04:00

I need a good laugh after those last couple of days from hell. So, here it is, kids:

Someone stole Jerry Garcia's toilet. Out of an effin' driveway. Apparently the commode was en route to a Canadian casino that paid literally thousands of dollars for it (you gotta wonder about any establishment that would cough up three grand for a potty and $25,000 for William Shatner's kidney stone, but I digress.)

Even scarier, though: I know someone who would bid if the floor were open. Eeewwwww.

A Bad Couple of Days

2006-04-03T12:42:00.000-04:00

The following might come as a surprise to you, readers, given that I do a pretty good job of projecting a completely "together" image. Here's the raw deal:

First: I've been feeling so bad physically. The stomach and GI issues that have been with me for years have been relentless, and even my acupuncturist was a little shocked, at the end of last week, that we haven't gotten a better result. It's really hard to keep everything else in perspective when I feel so poorly.

Second: Friday afternoon a severely troubled student (with anger management issues to boot) cursed me out when she got her grade for the marking period (her failing grade, of course, was her own damn fault). Even though I did nothing wrong, I'm still wont to question myself one hundred times over.

Third: Our computer crashed Saturday. It was infected with a virus and, in restoring the hard drive, EVERYTHING was wiped out. Music, pictures, documents...three years' worth of my life (a lot of my school stuff, thankfully, I'd backed up. And the novel's on the laptop...and will soon be on at least one disc!). Needless to say, the whole debacle kind of pushed me over-the-edge.

I spent a lot of the weekend crying. I'm not sure if my reaction to these stressors is disproportionate to the actual events that took place, but I'm thinking that maybe it is. Lately I've been feeling as though being happy is a lot harder than it used to be.

One of the issues I've struggled with is medication -- I suffer from anxiety and, some might argue, a mood disorder. I went off the meds in the fall and was seemingly doing pretty well. However, lately, I'm not so sure. Maybe I need them again. The problem is that everyone has such a different agenda (my acupuncturist, who is also an MD, actually) would say not to go that route. My family doctor would say to take the meds (especially because these sorts of issues run in the family). My therapist wants to guide me to the right decision for myself. But I'm stuck.

All I know is I feel like a burden lately, and I've lost a certain amount of joy. I think this realization was a long time coming and, perhaps, the weekend "wake up call" was a good thing. I need to take some action to make my life work again.

I'm just not sure what the right steps are.

Here Come the Friday Tunes...

2006-03-31T08:16:00.000-05:00

Alas, it is Friday once again. And you know what that means...the TGIF Shuffle. But before I get to it, a couple of rules (in case you forgot so soon!): Get out your digital music player and hit shuffle. Report back the first ten songs it spits out. No skipping or rationalizing...or, as we WIUITG folks like to say, "No apron-wringing" (nice one, K!). Afterwards, perhaps you'll be so kind as to enlighten us with some general thoughts, favorite/least favorite songs, acts seen live and/or a memory/personal connection.

Here's the juice:

1. Sing Me Spanish Techno (Twin Cinema) -- The New Pornographers
2. Romantic Comedy (Heart) -- Stars
3. Interesting Drug (Best of) -- Morrissey
4. The Golden Dream (We Will Become Like Birds) -- Erin McKeown
5. There is a Boy that Never Goes Out (Naturaliste) -- The Lucksmiths
6. Video Killed the Radio Star (The Age of Plastic) -- The Buggles
7. These Days (Campfire Songs) -- 10,000 Maniacs
8. Falling Sun (Perfect Uncertain) -- Cary Judd
9. Standing in the Rain (The Living End) -- Husker Du
10. Wildwood Flower (Walk the Line soundtrack) -- Reese Witherspoon

General Thoughts: This is a pretty stellar set, albeit it a bit less diverse than last week's. I'm beginning to think that my iPod has a thing for the Walk the Line soundtrack (I admit, it is pretty hard to resist!).

Seen Live: Stars, Erin and the Maniacs (both incarnations -- with and sans Natalie. And I don't have to tell y'all how many times I've seen NAM solo...)

Favorite Song: Damn, this is tough. Overall, I'd have to say "These Days" (not to be confused with "These are Days" which was a Maniacs original -- and a hit to boot!). "These Days" is a cover of the Jackson Browne tune and it's lovely. The band originally recorded it for Elektra Records' 50th Anniversary compilation when they were on the label, but it later made its way onto the retrospective two-disc set, Campfire Songs. How anyone could ever resist NAM's velvety alto is beyond me. She will always be my girl.

Runner Up: "Romantic Comedy" is SUCH a catchy tune. This one makes me think of Troublekiss which always brings a smile to my face. I love when friends fall in love with my favorite songs while sitting in my living room on an unassuming Friday night...

Favorite Album: At the risk of sounding like Captain Obvious, I'll tell you: Campfire Songs. (If you had to ask, we clearly haven't talked music much!).

Memory Trigger: Every time I hear anything from Cary Judd's Perfect Uncertain I think of WIUITG and Noho. The first time I went to a retreat in November of 2004 I ordered a bunch of CDs from CDBaby for the car ride up. Perfect Uncertain was my favorite of the batch and I played it relentlessly that weekend.

And, for fun, I'm adding a quirky category:

Best Tune for when you're feeling like a Sad Bastard: "Interesting Drug"

Need more shuffle in your Friday? Check out my contributing friends:

Pencopal
Marisa
Fumblerette
Sherri

And Krizmic may get around to joining later!

The Week in Review

2006-03-30T19:07:00.000-05:00

It's almost Friday again, Kids... Here's what's been up:

1) The student who asked me to give him feedback on his short screenplay several weeks ago was just accepted to the summer program he applied to. He was very excited and he thanked me profusely. I'm proud of him and am also thrilled that I was able to help.

2) My stalker from a week or so ago isn't really a stalker. I asked my acupuncturist about him and he told me that he's "harmless, but lacking in common sense sometimes." I figured that was about the size of it, but I'm still glad I didn't indulge.

3) I had my writing group again on Tuesday night. I've been a part of this group for about two months now and I've still only met four members. It's a bit frustrating. And, to compound the difficulty of consistency, the "founder" of the group, who's been somewhat of a linchpin, is moving to Toronto in May. My fear is that what's left is going to unravel completely.

I've toyed with the idea of trying to start up my own group, but this seems like a bit of a daunting task. Writing is so much more personal than reading, so it wouldn't be as easy as getting together a book club. Finding people who will commit and provide sympathetic but honest feedback seems hard enough...nevermind trying to find the intangibles like "connection." My vision is a Philadelphia "chapter" of WIUITG, but that's a tall order...

4) I started teaching One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest to my 11th graders. I LOVE it. I'm already having so much fun. The best part: the kids love it too.

5) Last night we saw Thank You For Smoking. It was smart and quick and had some hilarious one-liners. Check it out if you have the time.

6) Speaking of movies, The Philadelphia Film Festival begins this weekend. We have tix to five flicks over the course of the next week. On deck for Saturday is Half Nelson, the story of a white teacher's relationship with one particular inner-city student. Gotta love the inspirational teaching movies, right? (Well, I do anyway. Understandably, I suppose...)

It's looking like a relatively low-key weekend (I'm getting better at this slowing down thing...well, kind of). Impromptu can be fun, so give a ring or an email or a holler if you're around.

I'm out for now. It's dinnertime!

A Lesson From My Younger Self

2006-03-29T14:42:00.000-05:00

Last Friday night DD, Troublekiss and I immersed ourselves in the first several episodes of Freaks and Geeks, compliments of Netflix. I love watching shows about high school because, even despite all of the petty politics, I loved that period of life. Call me crazy.

On the one hand, I relate to Lindsay Weir in that I was accepted by the "popular" kids, but I always felt more at home among the "nerds" (for the record, I hung out with both). We differ, however, on one key front: I never worried about being "cool." In fact, I was more or less oblivious most of the time. Socially, things just seemed to "work" without much thought or effort (probably my crazy need for control and some of my worthiness issues hadn't fully reared their heads yet...).

We like to believe that when we graduate and move out into the larger world, that we check high school politics at the door. I've been thinking about this issue lately because, very recently, I was deemed "uncool" by a peer. And, for a while, it ate away at me. Even though, rationally, I understood the stupidity of the value system at work, I still had a tough time shaking the sting.

As I read Pencopal's post today I was reminded of the futility of trying to prove myself...much less, to prove myself to someone whose values aren't my own (isn't it maddening how we get baited sometimes?). To piggyback on the discussion that followed her entry, if I died tomorrow, my eulogy wouldn't be about how "cool" or "uncool" I was.

In the end, if reconnecting with my high school self helped me to kick my own 29-year-old ass, I'll take it.

A Family Affair

2006-03-27T15:19:00.000-05:00

Recently I’ve been dealing with some family struggles. In many ways I have a pretty amazing family -- or, at least, my family is made up of amazingly talented people (I’m not going to sing their individual praises here, so you’ll just have to believe me!). That said, there are some less-than-stellar dynamics at work (as there are in every family) under the surface that, from time to time, wreak havoc on the “status quo.” Such was the case this past week.

But a bit of background first. My sister (who is two years younger) and I don’t get along particularly well. Suffice to say, we’re very different in interest and temperament, and, growing up my role as “the overbearing, bullying older sister” became calcified. She was always the victim (thanks, in large part, to my mom), and I was therefore the one who was always “wrong,” and, by extension, “bad.”

That said, I am not denying my own responsibility in the family dynamic. I readily admit that I was not easy to live with growing up. I was the oldest of three; my mom was anxious and fearful and I certainly picked up on her discomfort a good deal of the time. Her need for control and my need to become who I was trying to become butted heads, and I did not hesitate to rise up with proverbial fists. As my mother and I did battle, my sister often sank quietly into the background.

I feel badly about this, but it’s been hard to consistently feel badly in the face of my sister’s antagonism which, much to my chagrin, has continued well into our adult lives. For a long time my response to her attacks (which were often cleverly indirect) was to become combative. Of course meeting antagonism with more antagonism was not the answer. In recent months I’ve turned inward; instead of retaliating, I tend to “ignore” her, which isn’t doing anything to relieve my inner turmoil.

Over the holidays we went on a family vacation out to Lake Tahoe (my mom and dad, however, didn’t go because my dad’s doctor advised him against it as he was recouping from open heart surgery). My sister was very uncharitable toward me and, by the end of the trip, I was feeling pretty beaten down. My mother noticed that I was not myself when we returned, although at first I didn’t say anything; after all, my parents had just sent us on an expensive vacation and paid for everything. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful.

But I couldn’t uphold the façade for too long. I eventually caved to my mother’s questions and broke down (it turned out that she sort of knew what had gone on because my brother witnessed my sister’s behavior and he mentioned a particular incident to my mom). She felt terrible (she’s always felt very guilty that we don’t get along) and decided that, for the time being, my sister and I needed a break from one another. So we took one.

My mother recently went on a two week trip to Egypt and she got back last Saturday. Prior to her return, my dad emailed Missy and me to invite us to dinner last Sunday night to see my mom and to hear about her experiences abroad. However, when my mother came home, she apparently decided that she didn’t want the two of us coming over since she assumed that she would be a party to our unpleasantness. (For the record, I had every intention of going to dinner and being completely cordial to Missy.) My dad cancelled the proposed dinner with little explanation.

The next day (last Monday) I received an email from my mother that was written to Missy and me. It was a bit sanctimonious; she talked about all of the hardships she had seen in her travels and then proceeded to bully us into getting our acts together, telling us that people in many places don’t have the luxury of indulging in such “petty” behavior.

At first I was really put off -- her combative, holier-than-thou tone kind of pushed me over-the-edge. I was angry, hurt, and confused, and I wrote her a response that said as much. Initially I thought that my email was very matter-of-fact and rational, but my mother read it as just as condescending as I’d read hers. The back-and-forth that ensued was not going anywhere good.

My mom apologized profusely a couple of days later. Despite her apology, however, I still felt the pangs of hurt.

The issue with my mom threw me for a bit of a loop because, in spite of our troubles during my adolescence, we’ve gotten along pretty well for much of my adulthood. Toward the end of last week I came to realize that, while her means of handling the issue of my sister and me was less-than-fair, so too was my response. I took responsibility for that and we reconciled. However, the issue of my sister was still plaguing me. After all, it was the catalyst for this whole debacle.

Ironically enough, just before this all came into the fore in such a way, I had been doing some of my own work around my sister. I decided that our less-than-healthy relationship had been eating away at me for too long now, and it’s certainly done a number on my own self esteem. Even despite initially protesting my mother’s email, I knew she was right: we need to heal our relationship.

But the question is how. My sister lives in a world where “status quo” is just fine -- after all, she’d rather rely on past defenses and patterns that have enabled her to function without completely admitting that there is a deep problem (because doing so would be too painful, and it would require that she own her part). I know that a lot of the work -- at least the initial work -- is going to have to come from me. And it’s very difficult to put aside years and years of pride at the risk of being made to eat dirt.

I’m still in the process of trying to distill anger and resentment down to a place where I feel like I can embrace compassion as a starting point. This is brutally hard work, but NFN tells me that if I can do it I'll "feel like a million bucks."

I can't wait to get there.

The Friday Shuffle

2006-03-24T16:52:00.000-05:00

I've been catching up with my friend Marisa's (for the sake of clarity, not MS. Another Marisa!) blog. She's all about the Random Friday and I've decided to bite. In case you want to join the fun, I'll paste the rules below:

"Set your pod or other, less aethetically pleasing, digital music player a'shufflin' and report back the first ten (or 11) songs that it spits out. No skipping, explaining or rationalizing via emoticon allowed."

Optional: After you do the above you might want to enlighten us with your favorite song and album of the batch. And perhaps if there's a memory or personal connection to one particular tune, you'll add that too.

Here goes...

1. Midnight Show (Hot Fuss) -- The Killers
2. Hey Ya (Speakerboxxx/The Love Below) -- Outkast
3. Albuquerque Lullaby (New American Language) -- Dan Bern
4. Love Vigilantes (The Best of New Order) -- New Order
5. Milk Cow Blues (Walk the Line soundtrack) -- Tyler Hilton
6. Wait Up (Not Colored Too Perfect) -- Matt Nathanson
7. Title and Registration (Transatlanticism) -- Death Cab for Cutie
8. Imagined Life (Emoh) -- Lou Barlow
9. Friday I'm in Love (Wish) -- The Cure
10. Know Your Rights (Live: From Here to Eternity) -- The Clash

Favorite Song: "Albuquerque Lullaby" by Dan Bern. My man got me into Dan. DB is to DD what The Nields are to me. Amazingly enough, BOTH will be at FRFF this year. WooHoo!

Favorite Album: New American Language is Dan's best and, actually, one of my all-time favs.

Memory and/or Personal Connection: Ah, nostalgia. My first boyfriend, in middle school, made me a taped copy of The Cure's Wish. I still have it somewhere. Coincidentally enough, said boy just found me on Myspace the other day. Talk about random!

Have a great weekend, Kids.

End-of-the-Week Wrap-up

2006-03-24T10:18:00.000-05:00

I've been slacking in the blogging department over the last few days. Some family drama was consuming me in the early part of the week (and I do intend to get to it in time). For right now, though, here's the latest and greatest:

1) DD bought our Falcon Ridge tix yesterday. We'd already booked the hotel, but now we have the whole shebang, so to speak. Yay -- it's official!!

2) I'm going to Noho for the April retreat after all. I'd originally figured that I would sign up in January when I was there, but it was already full (I guess because N had said it might be the last one due to impending Mommyhood, everyone scrambled madly to get on board). At that point I told her to keep me in mind in the event that anyone dropped out. I was Numero Uno on the unofficial "waiting list." Well, as it turns out, N apparently can't resist me (HA!), as yesterday she told me to come! I am thrilledthrilledthrilled.

Perk #2 of this trip to MA: I get to hang out with Krizmic!!

And speaking of retreats, I am undertaking a recruitment effort for the fall. N, since you're in (yay!!), you must help. Y'all know at whom I'm looking. Get on it, Girls.

3) This has been the week of reconnecting and catching up. Beastmomma and I finally got back in touch which has been great. Krizmic and I dissed AIM for the phone and talked for 2+ hours on Tuesday night. DD and I got in contact with our new friends J and J (the guys we sat next to at G and M's wedding last month). We're trying to work out a date for dinner. Last night we went out for eats and drinks at the Sidecar with M and R. It was fun to chat and to hear about their weekend away...and to harass R about FRFF. M is in, but he's resisting. Tonight I have a TV and Chinese food date with DD. Last weekend we didn't get to hang out either night because Friday was Sex Dwarf for me (drinks with the guys for him) and Saturday was poker for him (and dinner with SD for me). We have the first season of Freaks and Geeks on DVD from Netflix. And I keep meaning to check out Big Love on On Demand. Angst, polygamy and mango chicken = a rockin' Friday night.

The good news is that I have zero "real" plans this weekend (a welcome change). So give a ring if you want to catch up or hang out or crash on my couch. We'll be here.

Somebody Took Her Vitamin S For Stupid

2006-03-22T10:15:00.000-05:00

And that somebody would be XPN's very own Michaela Majoun. If you don't live in or around Philly and you've never been privy to 88.5's Morning Show, you'll probably be less-than-amused by this post. Suffice to say, enough of us collectively cringe at MM's feeble attempts at comedy, not to mention at the static and unclever template advertising the next day's show.

Yesterday I was listening to XPN as I was driving home from acupuncture. Things were good. The "Expressway" (an oxymoron if ever there was one) was moving. They were playing "Like the Weather." I was singing along. All of a sudden, there was a break in the set.

Are you taking your daily Vitamin M? If not, I have the solution. Hi, it's Michaela Majoun. Tomorrow on the XPN Morning Show, I'll be serving up lots of Vitamin M for Music. And Bob Bumbera will be back with some Vitamin N for News.

Forgive me for my seeming lack of compassion, people. But sometimes you just have to call a spade a spade. Or a cornball a cornball.

So I Was Wrong

2006-03-21T18:58:00.000-05:00

My students don't watch The Sopranos which kind of sucks, because I really want to talk to someone about where this is all going. I asked my colleague who teaches next door to me and she hasn't watched Sunday's episode yet (ah, the wonders of TiVo). Unfortunately, I don't think many of you lovely blog readers tune into Tony and Co. I'm going through withdrawl -- I want to hear some insights, theories, or rants even... WTF's up with Kevin Finnity??

I'll leave off on this note: they better not keep T on death's proverbial doorstep for the remainder of the season. THAT would blow (in part because it would negate Melfi, my favorite character, who, incidentally, was a nonentity Sunday night. It's a good thing Lorraine Bracco's got the new grape-picking gig...).

A Sopranos Theory

2006-03-18T13:15:00.000-05:00

I normally HATE Sports Talk Radio (you know, that Howard Eskin-variety crap). DD sometimes listens to it and I cringe (at the risk of beginning to sound stereotypical in my tirade against jocks, I'll stop here).

That said though, once in a while they will divert from their usual drivel and talk about something that's mildly interesting. Such was the case recently when they were discussing the new Sopranos season.

One of the dudes has this theory that last week's episode (the first) is actually the last, and that the season will proceed in a Tarantino-esque fashion as they begin to fill us in on all of the events/characters alluded to in that opening montage. If this is indeed the case, then it would make perfect sense that they chose not to show previews for this week's episode, right?

That said, it will still feel like a bit of a cheap shot (no pun intended) if we know, by the beginning of tomorrow night's ep, how it all ends...

It Just Wasn't The Same...

2006-03-18T02:21:00.000-05:00

...without you, Troublekiss and MS. Sex Dwarf, that is. I missed you both, my Queens of the Dance Floor. (Damnit, T, why did you have to be sick and M, why did R's sis have to get married this weekend?!)

Suffice to say, though, if you had to miss one, this was the one to miss. The "birthday" deal-y changed the entire vibe, I thought. The crowd just seemed different. And Drake's sets really dragged. Pussy (the other DJ -- "Pussy Galore,") got the party started at one point but then there was a lull again when she left the DJ booth.

Oh, and I'm saving myself for you, my dears. There was no stage dancing for me tonight. Please come home and heal well so that we can take back the Dwarf next month, okay?

Are Stalkers Ever Hot?

2006-03-18T01:43:00.000-05:00

Something very unusual happened to me this afternoon. I had finished up at my acupuncture appointment when I came into the lobby/waiting area and noticed a cute guy about my age checking out and chatting with the receptionist. The two seemed pretty familiar (it's a very friendly, close-knit kind of office. I feel like good people -- as opposed to sketchy freaks -- go there. Just a vibe.). Anyway, this guy was attractive -- blonde, blue eyed and kind of outdoors-y. He finished paying just as I was leaving and, when I walked out, he followed. I held the door for him and he smiled at me.

I proceeded about ten paces to my car and got in. No sooner had I slid into the driver's seat and closed the door than the guy knocked on my window. He asked me if I happened to be going in the direction of some road that I wasn't familiar with (he was apparently headed there and it was "a long walk"). I said no, because a) I had no idea where the road even was and b) I wasn't about to let some random dude get into my car even if he was cute and he knew my acupuncturist. (Now, had I been single, I would have been like "Get in!" Just kidding, people.)

After this whole scenario had played out I got to thinking that perhaps I'd acted kind of cold and rude when I rebuffed him about the ride. I started thinking that he was probably some really nice guy who enjoys hiking and is into alernative medicine and who just thought that I was cute and wanted a chance to talk to me. But seriously, in this day and age, if he were at all sensical, he would have to respect the fact that a smart woman would react exactly the way that I did, right?

Thanks, Pencopal, for reminding me that even killers can be hot. I definitely did the right thing.

Tragedy, Reevaluation and a Little Levity

2006-03-17T12:37:00.000-05:00

A few days ago I commented that my week was pretty uneventful. That has changed.

First of all, a student I taught three years ago, as a ninth grader, ODed on some pills in Florida on the Senior Trip (anyone heard of "Totem Poles"? And I'm not talking about Native Americans...). She apparently passed out and had to have her stomach pumped. The full set of consequences remains to be seen. In the immediate sense, she was flown home with a chaparone and had to pay for both fares. I'm guessing that she will be barred from participating in any senior activities for the rest of the year. Perhaps she will not even walk at graduation.

When these sorts of things happen it is very easy to react in an accusatory, finger-pointing way. And, granted, rules do need to be upheld. But I've also been thinking about it from a more compassionate point of view. Obviously this is a severly troubled kid who has just shamed herself utterly -- is there any doubt that she will henceforth be remembered as "The Girl Who ODed in Florida?" Very sad indeed.

Second, I recently received a late holiday letter from a college friend of mine. Lately, as people have come into and out of my life for myriad reasons, I've been thinking about the qualities that I truly value in friends. It seems that some of my values are really shifting...in a good way. For a long time I think I was attracted to people who could keep up certain appearances and who were "hip" and "cool" and "aloof" and enigmatic. Lately that has all grown incredibly tired and I've begun to feel resentful when I've been in the presence of people who never let their guards down.

Anyway, when I read J's letter, I was awed by her resilence and her optimism and her ability to express gratitude. She's been through some tough stuff but, true to form, she's continued to show up everyday and to meet it honestly and head-on. I'm sad that we've lost touch and am making it a priority to reconnect with her soon.

And speaking of reconnecting, as I've been immersed in this process of reevaluation, I recently emailed an old friend from grad school. I heard back from her today and she was thrilled that I wrote. We're going to get together soon. This all feels very exciting and healthy at the same time.

Lastly, Troublekiss told me a funny story last night that I have to share. First, you must understand the perils of a site like Myspace for teachers. Even though we're smart enough not to incriminate ourselves with the info that we disclose there, it is still slightly jolting when our kids find us and request to be our "friends." I opened T's recent email, titled, "THEY FOUND ME," and found a question: "Should I accept my students as 'friends' on Myspace?" I told her that it was a personal decision and that she needed to figure out what she was comfortable with.

In the end, her decision was to say no. The next day at school her students asked her, "Why didn't you accept us on Myspace?? You need more friends -- you only have seven! And one is a cat!" (Our friend MS has a pic of her cat as her primary Myspace image!). Then one of the kids explained that, in her boredom, she decided to click on all of T's friends. So she clicked on me. And in my photo section I have a couple of shots of T participating in Living Room Karaoke. "I saw you singing and dancing and doing some weird stuff," her student told her. Poor T. Teachers are never safe from ridicule.

Finally: Tonight is Sex Dwarf!! Troublekiss, Salsagirl, Pencopal, AM, MM, KS and I are going. Dinner first, dancing second. Fingers crossed that all of the drunk, Irish, green-beer guzzlers will not be lured by the New Wave/80s soundtrack at Fluid...

Catching Up...

2006-03-15T18:13:00.000-05:00

So far my week has been pretty uneventful which, actually, is a bit of a relief. No more funny stories re: the likes of Crackspackle, I'm sorry! Here's what's been happening:

1. I'm fighting a cold. It seems like everyone I know is sick, and two have the flu.

2. Last night I went back to my writing group. There are still a number of people whom I haven't met because they don't seem to come regularly. Maybe I'm too particular, but I do get frustrated when people can't fully commit to something. But regardless, we critiqued some work, had a great discussion (about blogging, among other things), and did a brief writing exercise.

3. Speaking of writing, the novel is coming along, albeit slowly. And it is slow! I haven't had large chunks of time to put aside for writing it. And now, actually, I've come up with another idea that I'm kind of excited about. At this point I'm not sure whether this idea would work better as a short story or as a longer work...or maybe there's even a way to weave it into the novel. We'll see. Suffice to say, I have been writing, but I feel a bit scattered at the moment.

4. I opted out of a book group meeting this evening because I need to kick this cold/bug I have and I want to make it an early night. Also, I felt kind of lame going when I'd only read half of the book (just couldn't get into it). Enough with the putting pressure on myself. I'm going to be lazy and get to bed by ten. Yeah right.

And as for upcoming events, it's the third Friday of the month this weekend and you know what that means...Sex Dwarf! The countdown begins.

The Sopranos Premiere: A Letdown

2006-03-13T14:50:00.000-05:00

I just did a Technorati search for "Sopranos Season Six Premiere" and it seems that nearly everyone in the blogosphere is foaming at the mouth over last night. My question: WHY??

Given the amount of wait time between seasons, they could have delivered. Here's my recap:

1. A snitch gets whacked (Or maybe two snitches get whacked. I was falling asleep. Sorry.)
2. Some new mobster dude hangs himself (and we don't really care because we don't effing KNOW him!).
3. Tony and Carm like sushi and are surprisingly cultured enough to maneuver chopsticks.
4. Meadow strips for her fugly man.
5. AJ is still an asshole. Oh, and his hair grew.
6. Janice is still big, loud, and incredibly annoying (even when we only see her for 2 minutes). And she and Bobby have a kid. Yikes.
7. Carm gets s Porsche ("Cayenne, like the pepper").
8. Tony gets shot by crazy Uncle Joon.

Now, of course T's going to live. I mean, they wouldn't have a show without their main man. Oh, and not showing the previews for next week: a cheap shot. Next time let's attempt to raise suspense levels during the actual show.

Something else: Melfi is the best character. Period. She didn't get enough screen time. (Incidentally, I saw the funniest headline the other day that I thought had to have come from The Onion. It said "Lorraine Bracco to Pick Grapes Once Sopranos Ends." Actually, though, it was a legitimate story about how she's opening a winery!) All I can say is Melfi better not get whacked (perhaps in lieu of that she could acknowledge that while she is repulsed by Tony on many levels, she's also perversely attracted to him. Maybe they need to have sex. THAT would be hilarious.)

So, the big question: will redemption begin next week? I sure hope so.

Something's Rotten in Denmark

2006-03-12T16:20:00.000-05:00

Last night we had some friends over to celebrate my belated birthday. I wouldn't rightfully call it a party -- I've actually kind of gotten over my need to have the all-out bash where we buy three cases of beer and invite everyone we know. I wanted to feel like, at the end of the night, I got to spend some meaningful time with all of the people in my living room. And I did.

However, there was one little, interesting glitch. Usually friends' friends are okay -- I mean, I trust my friends' tastes...for the most part. But once in a while you're hit with a real doozy. Such was the case last night. Now, if this were the kind of aforementioned party where I had fifty some people and multiple cases of beer, I wouldn't have cared so much. But this was a fairly intimate gathering, so "Crackspackle" (I'll explain the moniker later) stood out like the proverbial sore thumb.

For about the first hour or so people mingled in the kitchen and dining room around the food. My friend LB introduced me to Crackspackle, but I didn't really pay her much mind; I was too busy catching up with the people I actually invited. Before too long everyone migrated into the living room to get ready for a game of "Celebrity," when, all of a sudden, CS decided to lead the troops in a round of yoga poses (WTF?). She no sooner executed "Downward Dog" than her pants, stretched taut over her backside, proceeded to reveal about a full inch of crack. Troublekiss tried to shield it from our sight lines with a single hand, but to no avail. She needed some spackle (remember that old Saturday Night Live skit advertising "Crack Spackle"?). Suffice to say, her first offense was of the ocular variety.

Now, let me pause a moment to brief you on how "Celebrity" is played. There are two teams. Everyone puts ten names of celebrities (or well-known figures -- past or present, real or fictional) into a bowl. There are three rounds, and each member of each team goes one time for one minute. The object is to get your team to guess as many of the names as possible in the allotted time. In the first round the cluegiver can say as many words as s/he wants, as long as s/he doesn't say any part of the name on the paper. In the second round, the cluegiver can only say one word, but s/he can gesture and act. And in the final round the cluegiver can say nothing at all and must rely solely on gestures and actions. Oh, and if you're the cluegiver and you pick a name that you're not familiar with, you have to pass, and one point is subtracted from your team's score. So it sucks.

Crackspackle was on my team, and she was on a mission from hell. She wanted to win, and at any cost. At one point, my other friend was up as the cluegiver and she passed on a name she didn't know. After the fact, CS demanded to know whom she passed on. It was Emma Goldman. Well, you would have thought that a priest had just witnessed blasphemy if you'd heard Crackspackle's response.

"What do you mean you don't know who Emma Goldman is?!" she yelled, indignantly. "I'm REALLY disappointed in this crowd -- I would have expected you all to know that. Aren't you liberals? Don't you listen to NPR?"

I was mortified that my other friends might have thought, for a brief time, that I actually invited Crackspackle to this gathering. But she herself saved me when, in the middle of the game after Troublekiss announced that it was "A's turn," CS shouted, "Who is A??"

This you-know-what (I'm trying to be nice!) crashed my party, insulted my friends, and then claimed to not have any idea who the host/celebrant was. Really effing classy. (I'll have you know, I apologized profusely on her behalf...)

I realize I just made my get-together sound like a terrible affair. And it wasn't at all. As a matter of fact, despite the unexpected drama, I did have a fantastic time. And I got some completely unexpected gifts, among them a book about Yin Yoga, some great glass beads, Tarot cards, flowers, much wine, and movie coupons good for our local arthouse theater. But more importantly, I had good company...well, for the most part, anyway.

Text Messages Are Annoying and Livejournal Hates Me

2006-03-10T18:12:00.000-05:00

I know what you're thinking: Those are some utterly profound thoughts. I'm sorry, but this post isn't going to be edifying. It's Friday afternoon, for God's sake.

Why send a text message that takes you five frigging minutes to type when you could call me in a quarter the amount of time and have your answer?? Arrrgghhh. Is this legitmately silly or am I just impatient? "Texting" is one phenomenon I simply do not get.

So, LJ and I apparently aren't simpatico. I've been trying to leave comments over there all day and I keep getting obnoxious "Error" messages. Oy. But while I'm on the topic, let's discuss LJ Versus Blogspot. (Fear not, folks, I'm not going anywhere at this point -- after all, I already moved this effing blog once. This is merely "food for thought.").

For some reason, LJ seems a little more humble. I don't know about you, but a whole lot of Blogspotters seem to scream "Look at me, I have a BLOG." BS also seems to be "cooler" and more about image, if you will. I've come across many a random blog here and have been completely intimidated and/or turned off by the snark factor.

Final thought on this issue: Regarding "user friendliness," LJ baffles me. It seems confusing as hell. Don't ask me why, but I feel like I'm in a foreign country over there... Weigh in, people!

(Oh, and all of you Blogspotters, my friends who read this, are obviously excused from the above generalizations. I hope I'm also excused!)

Humbled, and then Shit On

2006-03-09T18:48:00.000-05:00

And in that order, too! But, truth be told, I really don't mind (I suddenly began to hum "Jeremy Newborn Street" just now -- it's that kind of a day, I guess).

First: My department head came into my fifth period class today to discuss Huck Finn with the 11th graders. She loveslovesloves Twain and this novel and asked if she could make a guest appearance. Of course I indulged her (one, she's my boss, essentially, and two, I'm not nearly as big a fan of HF as she, so more power to her). Suffice to say, she played the role of Twain Scholar Extraordinaire and proceeded to humble me utterly and completely. Her dissection of the book's minutiae astounded the kids and me alike. I must have looked like The Fool Who Knows Nothing by comparison. Yikes.

Second: I finally took my car to get washed after a week of driving around a salted mess (last weekend we drove up to the Catskills in a storm). No sooner did I come out of Target (where I stopped after the carwash to pick up some odds and ends for Saturday's affair) than I noticed two huge splotches of bird poo on my windshield. Effers.

"But, what can I say, it's a beautiful day..."

A Brief Taste of Spring

2006-03-09T18:13:00.000-05:00

So today it's beginning to feel like spring in Philadelphia...or at least the weather is breaking a bit. It's not thirty degrees, which is nice. I actually think (well, I don't merely think, I know) that I have a mild case of seasonal affect disorder -- my mood changed drastically when I walked out of school and realized that I could comfortably shed my coat.

On the drive home from work, coming through Center City, I noticed an abundance of people out and about. I love the city in spring; it's quite comforting to see folks coming out of hibernation and once again populating our streets. I get super-excited when the local restaurants start setting up their tables for al fresco dining. Not too long now, hopefully.

Tomorrow it's supposed to be almost seventy. I haven't heard anything about Saturday, but it would be really nice if it were warm; DD and I are having a little shindig, a belated b-day celebration for moi (since we were away for the actual day). I wish all of you who aren't in the area could be here -- you will be in spirit!

And Now What You Have All Been Waiting For...

2006-03-06T20:20:00.000-05:00

Last night we saw The Nields at Tin Angel. And of course they were wonderful (our newbie friends were wowed). DD and I were joined by MS, CZ, Troublekiss, BR and KG. We had front row seats.

Before the show we had dinner in the restaurant downstairs, Serrano. K&N came in and were seated while we were eating. N spotted me immediately and called "Hello"; I got up briefly to greet and hug her and then told her I'd see her post-concert.

Incidentally, right outside the venue was a big effing limo with a ticket on it. Right after we spotted K&N in Serrano, DD goes, "Let's ask them if that's their limo out front." (He can be all about the wisecracks, I grant you. But he means well.) I told him that the question might come off as slightly obnoxious, but I let a laugh escape anyway. BR thought it was really funny and we proceeded to tell the story of when DD made another, slightly wise-ass remark at the NYC show in the fall and N laughed heartily. The convo went like this:

DD: When are you guys coming back to Philly?
NN: We don't have a date right now, but we'll be in Bethlehem in December.
DD, confused: Why Bethlehem and not Philly?
NN: Dunno -- I don't do the booking.
DD: No worries, I totally know how Clear Channel can be.
NN, laughing: It's more like Patty Channel!

I'll have you know that DD did refrain from making the limo remark in the end. But he did decide on another probing question that I'll get to later. But onto the show.

K&N were particularly hilarious, as MS pointed out. The two of us have fond memories of laughing hysterically together at Nields shows, but it had been a while since we'd laughed as hard as we did last night. K did a great imitation of N doing prenatal yoga, N read a funny and compelling passage from Plastic Angel, and the two sang their priceless rendition of "Ain't That Good News," the white-ified version.

Of course, there were poignant moments as well. N told the story of the moon and the thief as the intro to "Soldier at the Door," my absolute favorite new song. I cannot wait until the day when I actually have a copy of my own. In terms of new stuff, they also played "This Train." Otherwise, it was a lot of older favs. For the last song before the encore, they asked for requests. Coincidentally, about five of us, unbeknownst to the others, yelled out "Christopher Columbus!" They indulged.

The encore was an un-miked a cappella version of "When the Red, Red Robin Comes Bob Bob Bobbin' Along." Troublekiss was particularly psyched and declared, "I want to have a kid so I have a reason to buy their children's CD!"

Once a good bit of the crowd had cleared out and CZ picked up a CD, we sought out N. Troublekiss, in particular, wanted to meet her, and she wasn't shy. She approached N and, bringing CZ over, said hello and announced that they were sisters (I think T felt a "sisterly bond" after witnessing the camaraderie onstage!). I quickly introduced them both as my friends and N made sure to note names. I explained that T was now anxious to have a kid so that she could justify listening to the children's CD and N turned to her and exclaimed, "You're pregnant?!" It was funny.

T chatted some more and proceeded to tell N briefly about our ski trip. In the middle of the convo, all of a sudden, N turned to me and said, "You know, you look really beautiful. The additional year definitely agrees with you." It seemed to come out of nowhere, but was it utterly sincere. I'm always awed by such compliments. I quickly thanked her and then I think I just stood there for a moment and quietly blushed.

At that point, DD came over and told N he had a question. Random guy that he is sometimes, he asked her why "that weird guy who used to tape all the shows" hasn't been around in a while. Oy. I wasn't sure about this can o'worms.

N seemed unphased, though. She knew exactly who he meant and a convo about obsessive fans and setting limits ensued. From there we got on the topic of "Would you want to meet your idol?" MS and N seemed to be in agreement that it was a setup for disappointment and, in theory, I agree. (But, in practice, it, thankfully, turned out amazingly well for me: Natalie Merchant was about the most gracious, humble woman you could ever imagine meeting. But that's another story for another time.).

We also discussed FRFF. N was excited to hear that I want to come, but she did ask me about the camping because last year we had the "I don't do Porta Pots" convo. She told me there was no running water at the campsite and asked me if I wouldn't rather get a hotel room instead. "That way," she said, "you can ease into it. You can hang out with friends at the campsite at night, but then eventually go back to a bed and a shower." MS now wants to go and she really liked this idea. She is pretty adverse to camping. Hmmmm. This will require some serious thought.

All in all, it was a fantastic night. It'll be too long until the next time...

The Wisdom of the Tarot

2006-03-06T18:34:00.000-05:00

Thursday night Pencopal read Tarot cards for me while the boys played video games. Let me preface this by saying that even she thought I'd be a scoffer -- she actually had visions of me and Troublekiss laughing at her ass for such apparent woowoo-ness. By the end of the weekend, I was thoroughly convinced that there is, in fact, some infinite wisdom lurking in the deck.

I asked the Tarot three questions. The first was about the future of my relationship with DD, the second was about the future of a relationship with a friend, and the third was about the future of my stomach/digestive issues. The present and the past cards for all three really rang true. Had they not, I might have been less inclined to give the future cards any real credit.

I'll start with DD. The card was rather ominous looking, and supposedly related to some kind of an "end," although not necessarily an oppressive end. The card talked a lot about the importance of a sound, healthy mind, free from fear and anxiety (which I suffer from!). I was reminded of the ways in which my own instability this way, at times, has been detrimental to "us," and I took it as a warning to keep that in check. In the context of the other cards, the indicator was for a struggle to combat my own issues in this area, but perhaps for the ultimate good of the relationship.

Next, I asked the Tarot about the future of a fragile friendship. The card that came up pointed to my "hidden emotional life," and the qualities of extreme vulnerability that I often cover up. In this particular relationship, I have had a really hard time embacing such tendencies because it is wrought with extreme pride on both sides. I got the sense that the card was urging me to go with these "assets," even though they seem counter-intuitive to "fight mode." There's some hard stuff...

Lastly, I asked about my stomach. The card that came up indicated a fight within oneself that could either be contained or not. Interestingly enough, my therapist was talking to someone recently who explained that people with my sorts of digestive issues are somehow not living out their lives fully -- there is some part that isn't readily expressed and thus has to be "expressed" somatically. This makes a tremendous amount of sense.

Apparently, I will be getting my very own deck on Saturday. Thanks in advance, P!

Brief Notes From the Weekend

2006-03-06T13:37:00.000-05:00

The weekend was a definite success. I, however, could have been feeling better (stomach), but save for that, it was a really good time. Friday the ski conditions were less-than-optimal, but we made the best of it. When I got to the top of the mountain for the first time and skiied off the lift into a complete wind tunnel with a sheet of ice under me, I wanted to cry. Thank goodness Saturday was better; we more than made up for Friday.

Aside from skiing, we shared many funny moments. Here are a couple of my favorites:

PK: When we were driving up here through Jersey, we saw the funniest sign: Metuchen Mahwang.
DD: I think it was actually "Metuchen Mahwah."

----------

Popscholar: Did you guys pass Phoenicia on the way here?
Pencopal: How did you know how to pronounce that shit? I was like Fonnika, what the fuck is Fonnika?
DD: Fonnika, Hooked on.

----------

(Yes, I'm easily amused.)

Up next: Tarot Card Reading and The Nields at the Tin Angel...

Before I Take Off...

2006-03-02T15:06:00.000-05:00

for the weekend... I wanted to thank all of you who sent emails, e-cards, left messages, Myspace comments etc. today. It means a lot to know that so many people are thinking of me.

Up Ahead: A Super-Fun Weekend

2006-03-01T18:18:00.000-05:00

Given the most recent weather forecast, my weekend may even start earlier than planned (fingers crossed that we get a snow day tomorrow -- that'd be a GREAT b-day present!).

Regardless of whether or not there is school tomorrow, though, we're leaving in the afternoon for a long weekend of skiing in the Catskills with a bunch of friends. We've rented a killer house; the place sleeps 10 (we have 9), and it's stocked with four stand-alone arcade games (including Ms. Pac Man!), ping-pong (I kick ass), pool, foosball, air hockey, satellite TV with 250+ channels, and a six-person jacuzzi.

The best part, though, is that I'm getting to drag my b-day celebration out over the course of the week. Sunday, upon our return, we'll be heading to Serrano for dinner and then upstairs to the Tin Angel to see the inimitable Nields sisters with five friends (two have seen them before, but the rest are convert projects!).

And my actual party doesn't even happen until next weekend. But we'll get there in good time.

Only in San Fran...

2006-02-28T19:55:00.000-05:00

You've gotta read this article. Poo Power?!

Change and Self-Awareness are Scary Things

2006-02-28T19:02:00.000-05:00

As I said when I posted briefly on Sunday, I've been feeling kind of disaffected recently. I'm not sure what exactly to make of this (and, actually, I should probably not obsess over it and just let it ride), but I almost prefer those weeks when I'm really emotional, even if the emotions are inconvenient.

I went through a period of a couple of months where I was feeling much more connected, but lately it's like there's this block. And apparently it's in my body too -- according to my acupuncturist, Seth, my qi isn't flowing as freely (I'm really not some woowoo nut when it comes to alternative medicine, contrary to what it might sound like. The truth is, I've been getting acupuncture for digestive issues, and I finally feel like someone "gets it" after years of going to Western GI guys who turned me away once they'd ruled out cancer.). What's interesting is that today, as I was updating Seth at my appointment, he told me that it's just a period of stagnation and that these things ebb and flow. He also told me that given the weight of the issues I've been dealing with in therapy lately (worthiness, feeling like I'm not deserving of health and happiness etc.), it's no wonder my body feels overwhelmed. He also added that sometimes right before a major breakthrough or "discovery," we get shut off in this way. He suspects that there is something on the horizon.

This morning Pencopal sent me an email containing a quote from Anais Nin. The quote goes like this: "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful and frightening than the risk it took to blossom." She was dead on; in fact, it's almost uncanny how apt these words are. But a big part of the problem is fear (KJ, where are you?!). I'm afraid of what's "on the horizon." What if I uncover something more painful about myself? How will I deal with it? For a long time, I think I've lived in "status quo" mode because, even though it hasn't been particularly satisfying, it hasn't been unbearable, and it certainly hasn't been threatening. I really want to "blossom," but I'm not quite sure how. And "letting go" is really hard...especially when every inch of me seems to be fighting for protection.

A Couple of Thoughts Before Bed...

2006-02-26T21:34:00.000-05:00

It's supposed to be a week of celebration, but I'm feeling kind of flat for some reason. Last Thursday it was Troublekiss's b-day (we did have a nice night out on Saturday in addition to the Stars show, BTW) and this coming Thursday yours truly is turning the big two nine. I'm not sure if this "getting older" thing has me down or if I've just hit a routine lull, or if it's more of the goofy Saturn Return stuff. Whatever it is, though, I've been turning inward more, and I've been feeling a bit introspective. Since it's almost bedtime and I haven't sufficiently collected my thoughts, I'll leave you with this thoughtful post from Pencopal since it speaks to me right now...

I've Met the 17-Year-Old Male Version of Myself

2006-02-24T16:31:00.000-05:00

...and he's one of my students. He came to me yesterday with a draft of a short screenplay that he's submitting as an audition piece for a summer screenwriting program; he wanted to know if I would provide feedback. Of course I would.

The title was "Sellouts," and it was about, in his words, "the good 'selling out' versus the 'bad selling out.'" (Trust me it makes much more sense in practice than it does in theory.) Anyway, this is the second year I've taught this kid and he is brilliant (by saying that I DO NOT mean to imply that I am too. I simply mean that we are both Pop Scholars with keen insights and clever tongues.). Anyway, his criticisms of contemporary culture are truly amazing for someone so young.

When I read "Sellouts," I was reminded of one of my own short stories; thematically the two overlapped a great deal. I think the point that this kid was trying to make was that to compromise with the world on some level isn't to "sell out," per se. You all may be reading this going, "No shit," but, in reality, how many 17-year-olds truly "get" this?? How many 25-year-olds truly get this? God knows I know 30-year-olds who haven't gotten it yet. And Joey Sweeney, Philly hipster extraordinaire, has got to be over 30 at this point, and anyone who reads Philebrity knows he definitely hasn't gotten it yet...

Stars

2006-02-24T11:09:00.000-05:00

Last night's show was great as far as the performance -- what a dynamic band (although Torquil Campbell moves onstage like he has Tourettes). Their energy was absolutely impressive. That said, though, I was still a little let down.

First of all, the crowd SUCKED. (Incidentally, I will not be the least bit surprised if I wind up on some 20-year-old's Myspace page with a frat boy grinding into me from behind.) Why come to a show and push to the front when you can't even name one song from the band?? Rather than singing and dancing, these kids were snapping pics the entire time, trampling over us to get a better shot, and copping attitudes when we were clearly indignant. At one point this coed, who looked like she might have been Carmella Soprano's illegitimate daughter, forced her way in between Troublekiss and Pencopal and, let's just say she got an earful. God, I feel like a cranky geriatric.

One other bummer was that they only played one of my two favorite songs ("Elevator Love Letter"). No "Romantic Comedy." (I really could have done without "He Lied About Death," but whatever.) At least T got to hear ELL (our two favs are the same) for her b-day.

Deweydude was a really good sport; he was clearly embarrassed that every woman at our table felt the need to sing along to The Postal Service's Give Up when it came on in the bar prior to the show (it's okay to be "those girls" once in a while, right? And, plus, we were celebrating.).

How Did I Survive Without Myspace?

2006-02-23T12:29:00.000-05:00

These days I get all my vital info from Myspace. Where else can you go to find the Falcon Ridge 2006 lineup, a change-in-venue announcement for tonight's Stars concert and the playlist from the last Sex Dwarf all in one place? You got it.

I'll share. So far this year the confirmed artists at FRFF that I'm most excited about are The Nields, Dan Bern and Eddie From Ohio. (There are more to come, obviously.) Incidentally, Dan Bern is to DD what the Nields are to me, so we're super-psyched and plan on buying our tix this weekend.

And speaking of music, I've been waiting for tonight for many weeks now. It's Troublekiss's birthday and we're going, along with DD, Pencopal, K and C, to see our beloved Canadian exports, Stars. These guys (and girl) are so effin' good -- imagine putting The Postal Service, The Sundays and Belle and Sebastian in a blender. I'm curious, though, as to how one would know about the change in venue without having befriended R5 Productions on Myspace... Perhaps others' confusion will benefit me later when they all show up at Beyond and we get a front row spot at The Starlight Ballroom. Did I mention that it sucks being short sometimes?

And about the Sex Dwarf playlist, I'll spare you.

Cutting Back and Catching Up

2006-02-21T21:17:00.000-05:00

At the end of last school year I joined a second book club knowing that, going into the summer, I'd have nothing but timetimetime. However, it's gotten to be too much, especially with a writing group added into the mix. So I'm opting out, at least for now.

It's time to slow down; I've come to the realization that I have too much on my plate (yeah, I know say this every week. But I mean it this time, damnit.). Reading this blog lately, you'd think that I never have a dull moment. Tonight, in lieu of going to the meeting of Book Club Number Two, I opted for dinner and catch-up time with Pencopal which was long overdue. (And though we did go out, it was mellow and low-key.)

We had a great conversation about worthiness -- something I've been struggling with lately. Part of the ambivalence I wrote about last week is probably tied up in not feeling like I'm deserving of happiness on some level, which is deeply rooted and kind of painful to contend with. Sometimes, even more than receiving advice, it's simply comforting to know that others relate and/or that they're rooting for me. Thanks, P.

I've Amused Myself and Have Decided to Share

2006-02-19T23:29:00.000-05:00

Three things...

One: I just compromised the integrity of my iPod...by adding "We Built this City (on Rock and Roll)." (For background, click here.) I completely understand that I have absolutely forfeited the right to make fun of MS for her Kelly Clarkson obsession.

Two: Looking back at old comments, the perfect blog title came to me: Welcome to the Maxipad. I still die laughing at that line in Reality Bites where Ethan Hawk is coming to crash on the girls' couch and Janeane Garofalo reluctantly "invites" him in by saying, "Alright Troy, you can stay...Welcome to the Maxipad." Anyway, the tagline could be "because sometimes reality bites." Perhaps I will eventually come out of hiding and launch the 'Pad.

Three: I've accidentally become the female Bill Maher. The other day, Pencopal and I were chatting about "blog culture" when I inadvertantly spewed a maxim akin to a "New Rule": "Baring" one's soul amidst pathetic attempts at simultaneous self-deprecation isn't "baring one's soul" at all. It's the equivalent of a strip tease. (Now, in all fairness, I could perhaps be found guilty of the above if a) I never let you have a real peek, and b) my attempts at self-deprecation actually were pathetic.)

Another Meme

2006-02-19T14:17:00.000-05:00

Compliments of Fumblerette...

20 years ago: I didn't yet have a brother

15 years ago: I fell in love with Natalie Merchant

10 years ago: I was a heartbroken and depressed freshman in college

5 years ago: I officially began my teaching career

1 year ago: I hadn't discovered Sex Dwarf

Yesterday: I made two new friends

5 things I would do with a million dollars: pay off our car, pay off DD's grad school loan, give back to my parents somehow, travel more, and get weekly massages (I really wouldn't live very differently than I do now, truth be told.)

5 places I would run away to: various parts of the country to see those friends I don't get to see often enough

5 of my bad habits: obsessing, being quick to point out the negative, living completely in my head, practicing intellectual snobbery, avoiding meditation

5 fictional characters I would date: If still in high school: William Miller from Almost Famous, Charlie from The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Seth Cohen from The OC and Bailey from Party of Five (remember that one, kids?). Now: Tom Farrell from Love Monkey

Blog Virgin

2006-02-19T01:05:00.000-05:00

I'm outting Troublekiss as a "blog virgin."

Last night at dinner, she says to MS and me, "I never check my blog for comments. But I did today and some random person's really into it. She left me this 'I read over your blog, and I found it inquisitive, you may find my blog interesting' reply. I checked out her blog and she's like a financial analyst or something."

I broke the news to her gently: It's called Blog Spam. (T, I'll teach you how to put a filter on there one of these days...)

Tales From Saturday Night

2006-02-18T23:48:00.000-05:00

Deweydude and I just got back from G and M's wedding. We had a GREAT time. And, to be honest, we don't usually have all that much fun at weddings. It's typically a lot of boring, obligatory small talk with people you'll never see again, one too many line dances and mediocre (at best) food. (Our wedding, however, was amazing, just so you know.)

When it comes to these sorts of affairs, I'm admittedly a harsh critic. And, to be honest, we've been to a couple of weddings where the ceremonies were downright awful; at one, the officiant kept pronouncing the bride's name incorrectly. But tonight's ceremony was lovely (yes, I realize that such words are not a routine part of my vocabulary, but, really, it's apt in this case). Even though there was slightly more overt religion than DD and I go for, it was tasteful. The officiant, at one point, stated that love, like an art, was a craft that required practice. Interestingly enough, N recently told me something very similar. She said that, in the very literal sense, the heart is a muscle, and it needs to be exercised. Lately I've been torturing myself when I don't feel loving toward DD in a particular moment, telling myself that if I smile when I feel like snapping that I'm not being authentic. As we were sitting there, it was somehow comforting to be reminded of the fact that it's not only okay, but expected, that real love will take work.

After the treatise on love, G's uncle read a poem he'd written. I NEVER cry at weddings. But I teared up. As I sat there letting a tear drip surreptitiously down my cheek, I willed myself to stop (yes, I know I need to get over it!).

Cocktail hour came and went, and finally they ushered us all into the main room. Dinner was buffet style, with no assigned seating. In theory, this arrangement gave me pause because DD and I didn't know anyone. So we decided to grab two random seats at a table by the window, affording us a nice view of the city. No sooner had we settled in and begun having a conversation, than about six gay guys flocked to us and asked if the other seats were taken (for the record, the bride and I have this joke that we're total "fag hags," so this was particularly funny).

We couldn't have asked for better table mates. J and J are our new best friends. It's official. We hit it off immediately when, coincidence of all coincidences, J went to high school at AHS, where I teach. He graduated with my colleague BK whose wedding we just got invited to. Talk about a small world. Anyway, even aside from all the common ground re: school and South Jersey, we had loads to chat about: music, movies, plays, restaurants, etc. And they're big Sopranos fans, so they nearly fell out of their seats at my Carmella impression. We also traded myriad hilarious stories. Their senses of humor were fantastic (that goes a long way with me!). Dinner plans are set for March.

The music was super, as expected. They even played Joy Division and Bob Mould and The Pogues. (Fear not, no line dances.) Ironically, we really didn't dance, because we were too busy talking and laughing. Aside from the family and the bridal party, J and J and DD and I were the last people to leave.

All in all, quite a fun weekend. And there are still two days to go...

Tales From Friday Night

2006-02-18T02:28:00.000-05:00

Our evening got off to a shakey start (but fear not -- it ended with a bang). First, Troublekiss came to pick me up. We were all decked out in reds and pinks (for the belated Valentine's theme), and T wanted Deweydude to take our pic.

"What is this, the effing prom?" he asked.

"It's better than the prom," we told him.

Her camera wasn't cooperating. (Eventually I do think he got a shot on ours, but T's head's cut off.)

We quickly headed out to go get MS for dinner. The traffic on and around South Street is always crazy, but it was particularly nutty tonight. We "just missed" about five different parking spaces (Why not park in a lot, you ask? Well, as George Costanza says, "Parking is like sex. Why pay for it when, if I apply myself, I might get it for free?"). In the midst of this "applying ourselves," we mistakenly got caught behind a school bus. All of a sudden it turned its flashers on and about forty frumpy women got off.

"Must be a showing of Menopause: The Musical," MS said, half kidding. (Incidentally, EVERY week Philly Fun Guide offers half price tix. It's become somewhat of a joke around town.)

Troublekiss rolled down her window.

"It is Menopause?" she yelled.

"Yep -- we have 37 school teachers going!" came the excited reply.

That is SO the "teacher culture" that makes me cringe. Please shoot me if I ever take a school bus to see Menopause: The Musical with a crapload of giddy women in Mom jeans. (Troublekiss and I have vowed to remain the antidotes to this "scene.")

But moving on. We finally found 3/4 of a parking space and decided to risk it, with the ass of T's car hanging out just slightly. But no sooner did we get out of the car than T and I realized we'd forgotten our IDs (we usually don't carry purses to clubs because they're a PIA when you're trying to dance).

"Fuck it, let's eat and then worry about it," we decided collectively.

So we did. We were in and out of the restaurant in 45 minutes.

We hopped back into T's car and, after a few detours (caused by T's general distraction), we headed back uptown to her place, crosstown to mine, and back downtown to Fluid, all the while entertaining ourselves by singing hilariously caricatured renditions of songs that annoy us (like that "You took my joy, I want it back" song by Lucinda Williams and this lyrically-challenged tune by Animal Liberation Orchestra called "Barbeque of Dreams" that's been XPN's perpetual soundtrack recently).

Parking was a bitch again, but we got the bargain of the night when a homeless dude alerted us to a space for four bucks.

We finally got to the club. As soon as I walked in, the one DJ approached me and asked if I'd gotten his email about my free drinks. He knew me! I told him I did, thanked him, and he gave me the coupons to redeem them.
After we checked our coats and got an initial round of cocktails, A and K showed up. Not long after, L and her friend came and so did AM. It was a good crowd, and we danced for nearly four hours straight. The music was particularly good this time (even better than last). But there was less stage time because it was SO crowded. Still, though, we got up there some -- T and I belted it out to "The Promise" by When in Rome and "Respect" by Erasure. We ended the night by dancing with the one DJ (not the dude who gave me the drink tix) to The Go-Gos. Good times.

And so the month-long countdown begins again...

I Won!!

2006-02-16T18:45:00.000-05:00

I've never won anything in my life (well, when it came to dumb luck. I won an art contest once, but that doesn't count). However, today that all changed. At the beginning of the week I entered a Myspace drawing for five free drinks at Sex Dwarf (see below) and...I won!!! (Now, since I'm not much of a drinker, my friends will make out well...)

It isn't the $380 million Powerball, but it's something...

Gearing Up for Friday

2006-02-16T17:17:00.000-05:00

It's been a rough week. Between a completely sexist administrator at work and something that was said at today's faculty meeting, I've had it at the moment (to be quite honest, I'm gunshy about discussing further details for two reasons: a) you never know who might find this and b) I'll just get all worked up again). Add to the school issue the fact that I've been working through some heady stuff in therapy and I just need a break.

Thank goodness that in a little over 24 hours, I'll be out with my closest Philly friends at Sex Dwarf (no, we don't have sex with dwarves. If you're confused, check the archives.). Troublekiss has had a similarly trying week, so we're going all out: we're dressing up (there's a belated V-Day theme). She told me that she's feeling in a bit of a rut lately and she wants to remind herself that she's "young and free."

Here's to that, girl. See you on the stage.

Writing Group: Round Two

2006-02-15T22:15:00.000-05:00

Tonight I went back to the writing group I wrote about two weeks ago. We got a slightly better turnout, but there were still a number of women missing. Despite that, however, I got a definitively good vibe this time (the one woman who kept breaking N's cardinal rule the last meeting was apparently having a hard time of it -- her husband's really ill and she'd just had surgery herself. So she was admittedly, and understandably, cranky).

Since this group seems to be more about pointed critique (not that they can't be nuturing too), I've decided that I want to write the novel before I offer it up. At this point it's still too raw and unformed, and it's intimidating enough even to sit down and force myself to write it, much less share it with the understanding that people might want to peck. More likely, at least initially, I'm going to work on revising an earlier short story with the lofty goal of eventual publication. We shall see.

At any rate, we didn't even get to an actual writing exercise tonight. Several women read -- poems and personal essays -- and their words inspired a nearly two hour long conversation wrought with poignancy, humor, saddness, and, above all, honesty. In truth, it was almost like group therapy. In fact, one woman introduced herself to me by explaining that she began writing as a means of healing.

I felt closer to home this week; the Big Yellow wasn't so far away after all.

Probing Questions

2006-02-15T12:34:00.000-05:00

Today in second period the same group of aformentioned ninth grade boys were discussing a movie in which one character routinely snacks on edible underwear (this was coming off the heels of a "What did you get for Valentine's Day?" Q&A with the class couple). All of a sudden one of the goofier kids in the bunch turns to me and asks, "Did you ever taste 'em, Ms. K?"

Most teachers would be horrified. Shocked. Offended even. But because I'm the nut who will laugh heartily instead of writing the kid up for sexual harrassment, my response was the following:

"Who are your other teachers?"

[Kid proceeds to name four or five.]

"Just for the record, do you ask [teacher who wears mom jeans and teddy bear sweaters] these kinds of questions, or are they reserved only for me?"

The kid then proceeded to explain that his uncensored queries coupled with the puritanical, schoolmarmish nature of [teacher who wears mom jeans and teddy bear sweaters] wins him a trip to the office at least several times a week.

I like to think I choose my battles wisely.

(And, for the record, no, I've never tasted edible undies. Sorry.)

V-Day Roundup, Some Odds and Ends, and a Sigh of Relief

2006-02-14T22:02:00.000-05:00

I'm stuffed. We just got back from our celebratory dinner at Albertino which was exceptionally mediocre (when it comes to restaurants, I'll admit to being a harsh critic). The general concensus was that the apps and the desserts were better than the entrees. But the company more than made up for it. M and R filled us in on the Gray's Anatomy hoopla (at least we can now claim to be culturally literate re: "code black"), and R told us all about the recently finished first draft of his novel (I'm jealous, awed and humbled all at once). Oh, and the Josh Ritter tix went over really well.

So moving on... School on Valentine's Day is kind of a joke (the kids' minds are elsewhere, for obvious reasons). No lie, I actually saw a senior boy walking around in a red sequin dress today. Being my usual oblivious self, I showed up to work donning gray "slacks" (let me just say that I HATE the term "slacks" because it screams Talbots and I'm not 40) and a cream sweater. Luckily (albeit unintentionally), I wore my red Fluevogs, so when a kid called me out for not sporting red first thing this morning, the shoes were my saving grace. I guess they sufficed.

Speaking of school happenings today, this is completely random. In my 9th grade class we were doing a poetry exercise that asked the kids to pick a figure in the public eye for their subject. As I was circulating around the room, I heard one boy mention Janeane Garofalo. I thought it odd that a 9th grade guy would be listening to Air America Radio and, as far as I know, she hasn't been in any shitty movies recently.

"You guys like Janeane Garofalo?" I asked the group.

"We don't know who she is," they told me.

I was slightly baffled, but they explained that apparently on Comcast on Demand, under "Music," there is a Gwar video called "We Hate Janeane." They think it's funny, but they don't know why. For about two seconds, I actually thought that fifteen-year-old boys had taste. (Note to self: Learn how to use my digital cable. Or not.)

Lastly, the sigh of relief: I just got a "Save the Date" card for a colleague's wedding and thought that it was the weekend of Falcon Ridge. But it's the weekend after. Phew.

Valentine's Day etc.

2006-02-13T22:27:00.000-05:00

I found out my Valetine's Day present already (I have a very bad habit of ruining surprises). Deweydude got me tix to see Bill Maher in Atlantic City on Memorial Day weekend. Very, very cool. BM is an effing riot. DD doesn't know it yet, but he's getting Josh Ritter tix for his April show at World Cafe Live (I kinda feel like Homer when he got Marge the bowling ball, if you ever saw that episode...). Whatever. DD likes him too and he's been all over live music lately.

V-Day is pretty silly, I'll admit. But I do like it, if only for the fact that it gives us a good excuse to eat out, and it gives DD a good excuse to buy me Godiva coconut truffles. We're celebrating the Hallmark holiday, as we always do, with our dearest friends M and R. Fingers crossed that Albertino's will be as good as everyone says...

In actuality, though, DD and I went on a pre-Valentine's getaway this past weekend. We went up to the Poconos to this great little inn called The Four Winds Lodge. It was quaint, cozy and remote -- just what we needed. We arrived Friday night, had dinner (they had a great restaurant and tavern in the inn), hung out and went to bed. Saturday we got up early and headed to Elk Mountain where we skiied all day. Sunday we slept late, ate a big brunch and drove home in the snow.

And, alas, it is now bedtime for me...

Fugitive Status

2006-02-12T19:00:00.000-05:00

It's hard to keep a low profile as a teacher. Today I got home from a weekend away to the following message from one of my students:

hahaha hey Ms. K! it's so weird to see your blog stuff and realize that you're a real person, not just a teacher. it's freaky cuz you never really think that you guys have problems and worries and well, LIVES outside of grading our school stuff. sorry lol. I mean, I know you do have that kinda stuff to deal with just like everybody else does, but i didn't REALLY know, ya know? So what kinda book do you want to write?? a hot romance? lol. it's prolly very deep, huh?

At least she was honest (although I would have found out anyway because I have my trusty Statcounter for protection!). The freakiest thing about this whole ordeal isn't even that she was reading the blog (after all, I haven't really written anything too incriminating), but that one of the plot twists in my novel was going to revolve around the student finding the teacher's blog... (Jeez, my novel is turning into my autobiography...)

Anyway, I wrote my student back and, in the nicest way possible (I love this kid), tried to explain about public and private lives and boundaries and all of that yadda. As I mentioned in an earlier post, the book that I'm writing is about "therapy, teaching, and relationships. It's kind of a statement about human connection and how the autheticity around that, when it really happens, isn't easily constrained by 'artificial' boundaries. It essentially questions how people negotiate these contexts while still being 'true' and 'real.'" When I've been on the other end of this sort of scenario, I know I've felt cut off and frustrated and as though a potentially meaningful connection was thwarted. Intellectually, though, I understand that this needs to happen.

Still, I feel like a bit of a hypocrite at the moment...

I've Been Thinking About Ambivalence Lately...

2006-02-09T12:45:00.000-05:00

When I used to play competitive tennis, my coach would always say to me "You play to not lose. You don't play to win." She wasn't trying to be insulting, and she was absolutely dead on. In practice, when it didn't matter, I'd hit the ball with intention. I had the shots, the weapons. But when I would get into a tournament, it was a completely different story. I'd clench up. I'd lob the ball. I wouldn't follow through with the stroke. I'd defend. As I've been thinking about ambivalence this week (it was my "homework"), I've come to the conclusion that I live my life in much the same way.

While I understand that there's value in learning to embrace where we are in the moment without judgement, as far as my own ambivalence is concerned, this isn't where I want to stop. More to the point, my ambivalence is a defense that is perhaps doing more harm than good. It works like this: if I don't give myself over to someone or something fully, then I can't really fail (which, of course, begs the question of what it means to "fail." Perfectionism strikes again. As far as failing, I can trace it back to: People will reject me -- for any number of reasons -- and I will have no one. And, yes, I realize that this is extreme.).

This way of living (of never fully giving myself over to someone/something) is the proverbial double-edged sword. When I fail, perhaps it lessens the blow slightly. But when I succeed, I never feel like I can rightly claim responsibility (I often write successes off as "luck"). Ironically, I end up feeling very NOT in control, when my need to "keep one foot out the door" the whole time was all about trying to gain control in the first place (and, yes, from a rational, intellectual standpoint I understand the ridiculousness of this whole scenario. Unfortunately emotion doesn't listen to reason.).

The problem is that I live a good deal of my life holding back and am consequently not as satisfied as I imagine I could be. Even with my myriad successes (from winning a countrywide art contest to gaining a district ranking in tennis to being the star of my college a cappella group), I've never felt as though I truly earned them (my line of reasoning usually looks like this: The other people just sucked.). I don't even know if I know what it feels like to fully give myself to someone or something because, so much of the time, my fear runs interference.

I suppose the one area of my life where I feel as though I can take a little more credit is with my career (I know I'm good. As one colleague recently said to me, "Even on a bad day, you're still better than 95% of the people in this profession."). But lately I'm struggling even in that arena. It's been five years, there's a certain ease to this job now, there isn't much room for growth at this particular school (it's a pretty provincial community where I butt heads with people because of my progressivism, my colleagues are not the end in inspiring etc. But this is an aside.). As a result, I've been feeling pretty stagnant lately, like I need a change. The problem is that I'm kind of afraid to make a change because things are "status quo," right now and that's what I seem to be perpetually after (after all, it doesn't test or challenge me). In my mind, there are a number of things that I think I might love to do (and maybe I'd love to teach in a different environment), but I'm so afraid of taking a risk that I don't know if I will.

Make no mistake: this isn't about my job per se (I just happen to be thinking about that this week). This is about how I live my life, large scale. And I don't want to be the girl who stagnates in a perpetual state of "status quo," waffling around in her own ambivalence because I imagine, at the end of the day (or worse, my life), I'll feel like I haven't really lived.

A Slice of Pizza, A Little Panhandling, and a Turd of a Movie

2006-02-08T23:51:00.000-05:00

The title about sums up my night. Deweydude had us psyched to see Cache, which received rave reviews all around (well, from the "real" critics anyway). But let's put things in the order that they happened.

First: We met Salsagirl for a slice and a coke.

Second: We got panhandled AGAIN, on the way from the pizza joint to the theater, by these same people. It's becoming part of our Wednesday night routine: grab a quick bite, get panhandled, see movie. Deweydude's decided that he needs to start wearing a banner that simply reads "You've Already Asked."

Third: We went to a shitty movie. If I was feeling creative (and I'm not; it's midnight and I still have reading to do for tomorrow), I'd write a haiku review for y'all. So, the following will have to suffice: SSSLLLOOOOOWWW (it was French -- what did I expect, right?) and there was no payoff. Save your $8.50 (or whatever it costs these days).

Lastly, we hit the bar. KS showed up which made the whole night worth it because we got to catch up, and she regaled me with her always-amusing tales (speaking of which, I'm trying to convince her to blog since she has the best stories ever).

Off to be productive, and then to sleep, hopefully.

Love Monkey Recap

2006-02-08T12:30:00.000-05:00

So who watched last night? A week ago it was preempted by GB's "speech," so I had to go extra long without my fix. I'm wondering, though, if last week's episode aired on the West Coast because I felt like there was a gap (what happened to Zoe?) and I thought there was supposed to be an Aimee Mann cameo...

Anyway, last night's ep wasn't as riveting as the first I saw (a quick summary: Wayne made a video. There was controversy over the who/what/when shit. They brought in a supposedly buzz-worthy name to direct, but he turned out to be an arrogant prick, and a joke to boot. Tom saved the day by firing him on the set. Then he and Wayne made exactly the video Wayne wanted with a handheld camera and no props.), but the dialogue was still quick and clever, the music was still good, and I still have a crush on Tom Cavanaugh, even though he's "old" (when I told DD this, he responded with, "You don't think he looks old?" Eh, maybe a little.).

Don't Be Paranoid: It's Only Valentine's Day

2006-02-07T10:20:00.000-05:00

Deweydude didn't work yesterday; he took a Personal Day since he had a couple to spare. Wanting to veg and loll around post-Super Bowl, he figured it was as good a day as any.

When I got home from school, I logged onto the 'puter. No sooner had I fired up Mozilla and loaded Yahoo! than I noticed that the "Personals" link was a pinkish-purplish color, as if someone had recently clicked on it.

"G, what are you doing looking at the Personals?!" I yelled downstairs.

"What are you talking about?"

"The Personals link is discolored, like it's been clicked on."

He came into the den.

"I have no idea," he told me, very matter-of-factly.

(Incidentally, Deweydude and I DID meet on the 'Net, so it's not as though he hadn't tread that ground before. However, that's not to say that he would again; it's really an aside. Something else to keep in mind is that yours truly is slightly paranoid. I say "slightly" only because I have been privy to much worse cases. And, in my defense, you'd wonder too if your computer was once seemingly infected with the Pop-up Boob virus. What sites have you been visiting??)

At any rate, it's all good. I found out this morning that the Personals link is intentionally colored pink for V-Day. Your husband/wife/boyfriend/
girlfriend/sig other really is telling the truth. Really.

Random Tidbits...

2006-02-06T20:04:00.000-05:00

from my day...

1. Do you ever get skeeved out when you're in an elevator with a shady guy? I do, and I did today. I've often thought about how vulnerable a woman is in such a place. It's scary to think about what could happen between the first and the seventh floors...

2. In my 11th grade classes we began our preliminary Huck Finn discussion. When the issue of racism and its prevalence came up, one girl admitted to certain biases that we all no doubt have. Her statement actually took guts, especially when you consider how much emphasis our current culture puts on political correctness. But the truth is, sometimes the truth ain't politically correct, and LK had the balls to say it. In my head I was singing that song from Avenue Q, "Everyone's a little bit racist sometimes..."

3. Usually when I hear a rumor I hope that it's NOT true. But today I heard a good rumor. Our Principal just got the Superintendent position and, the word on the street is that my old department head (who took a Vice Principalship in another district that paid more $), is going to apply for the newly vacant position. Fingers crossed. We'd LOVE to have this guy back.

4. MS and I have decided that everyone else is dysfunctional and weird. We're sick of perpetually wondering if we are, so why not assume that it's everyone else who's got the issues? We're trying to take a load off...

5. And lastly, it's worth mentioning that the more honest, less-guarded stuff I've put out there lately, the more I've reaped amazing rewards (contrary to what happens in my dream state!). People have reciprocated in some very unexpected ways, and it's so reassuring. (Those damn walls are comin' down, K!)

Weekend Play-By-Play (No Football Pun Intended)

2006-02-06T13:18:00.000-05:00

For the first time in a while I didn't feel like I was having to play catch-up for 48 hours straight. Instead, I had some down time, which was refreshing. Friday night Deweydude and I did go out to dinner with our friends C and N (for the record, Philly folks, Meze at 9th and Catharine is quite good). However, even though some other friends ended up heading over to Silk City later for the Belle and Sebastian listening/dance party, I declined and went to bed.

Saturday I slept until the PM hours which was sorely needed. When I got up I lolled around, drank tea, and read until it was time to take DD to the movies (he and his buddy saw Munich). Later that night Salsagirl and I headed over to Lemongrass for some Thai food -- it was great to catch up (and much overdue, I might add!)

Yesterday I went to the gym and then boycotted the Super Bowl (instead, I opted for dinner and a visit with the padres). Later on I chatted with Krizmic briefly (I'm jealous that you got to see my girls this weekend!), prepped for school, and went to bed too late.

I know: a fairly uninteresting weekend. But sometimes I like it that way.